Archive for July, 2010

As one of the thirteen Campus Pastors would say, “my, my, my, my, my!”  i’m not sure if i have to give her formal credit for those words or not but my policy has always been to give credit 3 times and then it’s yours. These words became an epiphany. Epiphany is a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something.

My external meltdowns take place because my internal experience cannot sustain them. i must have repeated that to myself 50 times before i could comprehend it. This could be the part of me that would appear to be slow. i prefer to think of myself as cautions. It took much more for me to accept it as a truth and then realize that i could do something about it. Thus… epiphany! i had a sudden, insight into reality. I got the essential meaning of what was being spoken about me. i would have hoped God would say,  “ed you have no external collapses because your inner experiences will not allow them to exist.” Okay so maybe i’m looking for God to lie to me. Not all the time but just once in a while.

If you read this blog for very long you will find that i am a word upon word, line upon line, precept upon precept learner. Some might identify that as a slow learner or even a stubborn attitude. i’ll leave that decision to those who seem to know better than i. Regardless of the reason it works for me. So my plan of attack is to tear those words apart and see what they really mean. There is no time frame for my stories. They take however long they take. And one more thing you need to know. i use Webster’s Dictionary a lot! And i use many translations so as to get various perspectives and then i rely upon the Spirit within me to lead me and guide me to the right understanding.

So here i go with the big word “My.” Webster’s says, my, is possessive. So i think it’s safe to say that my is, me, ed.

The next word is external. Webster’s says about the word external that it is pertaining to the outward or visible appearance. That means it’s exposed for all to see. It’s what you get when i may think nobody is looking. It’s what you get when a trial or tribulation comes my way and you see what i’m really made of. That could be an epiphany for you! So let’s put the two words together. ed (my) your outward, visible appearance (external).

Here’s where it starts to get interesting. The next word is meltdowns. i assure you i have never thought about myself and the word meltdowns in the same sentence. Meltdowns are for unstable or even partially insane people. Aren’t they? Well according to Webster’s, meltdowns are to reduce or cause to be reduced from a solid to a liquid state, a rapid or disastrous decline or collapse, a breakdown of self-control. i just don’t like those descriptions when they’re in the same context as me. But…. just because i don’t like it doesn’t make it not so. If i am to be truly honest with myself and of course with all who may read this, i must admit that i can be a little liquid in my state of being every now and then. And i suppose i have also experienced a rapid maybe almost disastrous decline or collapse. Okay, if i’m going that far i must also admit that there have been those breakdowns of self-control as well. There are far to many people who know me and are in this process of doing life together with me to deny any of the above. So here’s what we have thus far. ed’s (my) outward visible appearance (external) is reduced from a solid to a liquid state (meltdown) or better yet,  ed’s (my) outward visible (external) breakdown of self-control……(meltdown).

You may be saying to yourself right now, why would anyone want to read this guys story? I’m looking for direction, guidance, solutions to my problems but this guy is a wreck! Maybe so. And i wouldn’t blame you if you never read another word. But in my defense the only thing i have of any value that i can give away is my story and like it or not this is a part of it. For the brave of heart let’s go on.

The word take is defined by Webster’s as to seize or capture, power, or control. So to me this means that my liquid state seizes or captures power and control of me. To go one step further it’s saying that I give up my solid state to become part of a lessor state which is liquid. I go from a high place to a lower place. I move from light to darkness. I chase after a well dressed lie verses the truth. And with that I will close for today and leave you with the following words to help you understand my last few words.

Truth Vs Lie
Truth & Lie agree to fight to the death. Truth comes to the fight in full armor with sword dawn. Lie comes to fight with just a sword in hand as protection,
Lie ask truth to lay down his armor for a fair fight. Truth agrees and takes off his sword and armor, lie then steals truth’s armor & dresses himself in the armor
and steals his sword and races off. Truth races off after lie to do battle with just his mere hands. And that’s how you have the truth chasing a well dressed lie.

Truth – [Not in your strength] for it is God Who is all the while effectually at work in you – energizing and creating in you the power and desire – both to will and to work for His good pleasure and satisfaction and delight. Philippians 2:13