Archive for August, 2010

“Words” Inclinations!

Posted: August 31, 2010 in Words

Proverbs 18:21
Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and they who indulge in it shall eat the fruit of it [for death or life].

i believe my life is a series of words… Words spoken to me, words spoken by me, and words spoken about me.

and they who indulge in it?

i think i would be correct in thinking that they would be me…. as well as everyone i know. No one comes to mind that i know who does not use words. Yesterday i understood for the first time that Facebook while widely accepted can be a very dangerous tool. It takes words that are usually spoken to maybe one or two at the least and a dozen or so on the upside and broadcast it to hundreds and even thousands. Try taking those words back!  I listened to at least 5 instances where people were…. let’s just, say affected by words written or read in an…. lets just say, not so positive way.

 they who indulge in words…

Indulge: to yield to an inclination or desire; to satisfy, or gratify (desires, feelings, etc.): to yield to the wishes or whims of…. WORDS! So all that’s left for me to decide is in what direction am i so inclined. i do not desire for my words to be whims! Oh Lord put a guard on my lips.  i say with all conviction that i am so inclined to speak, write, think, meditate on words of life whether they are in regards to me or others. It is my desire to use words that are of spiritual benefit and that………….. yes satisfy me and gratify Him.

Whatever words i speak i must learn to choose them with care because the people who hear them will be influenced by them for life or death.


“Words” Birds and Caterpillars!

Posted: August 30, 2010 in Words

There’s a bird sitting in a tree watching as a caterpillar makes a very slow ascent up a barren peach tree. The bird asks sarcastically, “Why are you coming up here? There are no peaches on this tree.”

The caterpillar, lumbering along, says in a most assured manner, “There will be by the time I get there.”

This how i feel about my walk with God. i am lumbering along but in a most assured manner. i know that when i get there (and i’m not real clear on where there is or what it looks like) ut that big old sweet juicy peach will be waiting. Right now that sweet juicy peach would be that my words would line up with what God intends them to be. So i keep on lumbering.

By the way lumbering is to move clumsily or heavily, from great or ponderous bulk.

This topic of words when added to Outward meltdowns, inward experiences and “be”ing cause me to ponder in bulk. Often times i move clumsily and have to stop, refocus and get back on track. Every now and then i think i understand a conversation i have with God and come to find out that i missed the real meaning. It’s like taking a bite of the peach and chomping down on the pit that’s inside. What i must not let happen though is to let that chomp on the pit deter me from taking another…. perhaps smaller bit so as to miss the pit.

One of the blogs got a comment about words being pesky. Pesky…? Pesky annoying, troublesome. yes…. there are times when would agree with that description. mostly it comes when i’m having a conversation and trying to share what i’m learning through this time. Listening more closely to all the words around me leaves me with thoughts about appropriateness, benefit or detraction spiritually, being a doer of the word and not a hearer only and what words am i to do and what words am i just to be.

If i could become a caterpillar in regards to my words, then i would be very slow to speak and yet each word would take place most assuredly. i don’t picture Jesus as a fast talker and that’s just my perception. He spoke with such authority!

Proverbs 18:21
Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and they who indulge in it shall eat the fruit of it [for death or life].

i believe my life is a series of words… Words spoken to me, words spoken by me, and words spoken about me.

and they who indulge in it?

“Words” High Flyin or grounded?

Posted: August 28, 2010 in Words

On Wednesday we entered the airplane and took what i thought would be safe seats. Safe for me is with no interruptions. A window seat for Ann Marie an aisle seat for me and the seat in the middle… is for comfort, yes, my comfort. Now i chose this seat because there were adults occupying the seats in front, the seats behind and the seats across the isle. NO children! Such was the case this time with one small exception. There was a window and a middle section open behind me. i am not the chatter box on an airplane. i usually want to be left alone and actually like to sleep. Of course after my words to Ann Marie on the flight here, getting me in trouble i thought of a better plane for this flight.

This time i woke up in the morning and made my declaration that it was the day the Lord had made and i would choose to rejoice, in spite of my fond dislike for airplanes. I also had prepared the night before, which required me to be up til 12am ish downloading a movie to watch with Ann Marie on the plane. Sitting in my aisle seat and my comfort seat empty next to me i was feeling… satisfied. That… was… for a moment. i reached up to turn on the air vent and much to my surprise it was on, and you guessed it, no air. i hear people around me start to talk about how hot it was. They were complaining to each other, but NOBODY was saying a word to someone who could change the situation. of course i took the matter into my own hands and asked the flight attendant if there was any air? She walked to the front spoke to the pilot and, and, and, nothing changed. Ann Marie was near passing out, but i was doing my best to rejoice in this day that the Lord had made. I was caring for each word i was even thinking of speaking.

Feeling like i was doing pretty well was additionally challenged in the blink of an eye. Remember those two empty seats behind me? They are no longer empty! They are now occupied by, you guessed it, a mom and a new born baby. The baby only knows one word and she is screaming it with all her might! Whaaaaaaaaa, whaaaaaaaa, whaaaaaaa! Mom proudly announces that this is babies first flight. Then comes a string of excuses. It’s hot in here. Babies will be babies, Again with the, it’s her first flight and it’s hot in here. Did i mention that we are still at the gate and there is 20 minutes to go before we take off?

i remember somewhere within that 20 to 25 minutes some of what i thought were very appropriate words from my step-father. He had a similar situation on a plane and his words to the mom were for her to take here child for a walk. Now the difference was that they were in the air. But my plan was to wait til we also were in the air before using what seemed to be his wisdom. Mind you i spoke not a word. i didn’t even respond to Ann Marie’s disapproval of the noise or the lack of air. i kept saying over and over in my mind…. this is the day the Lord has made and i choose to rejoice in it! i knew that i had to take the other thoughts and words captive. My other thoughts included not having to write about my failure in the use of my words. i mean i’ve been learning about words for two weeks and surely i have learned a thing or two?

Here’s where i’ll leave this. i did not speak a word but it was not without challenge and a very concentrated effort. The mind tried to take control but after many requests for God to put a guard on my lips, i think i came away with some level of self-satisfaction and a sense of accomplishment. There was a point when i actually though about offering to take the child and show the mother how it’s done. After all i had just spent 7 days with a 4 month old and i got him to belly laugh and to giggle so super papa to the rescue! Well i have concluded that if i can’t say anything of benefit for the occasion then i will not speak at all. That’s a challenge to myself rather than a fact.

P.S. The plane took off and i never head another word from the baby. And the air, it finally cooled the plane just before we landed (3 1/2 hours later). But the video’s… well they made the time FLY!!

“Words” Accentuate the positive!

Posted: August 26, 2010 in Words

Accentuate: to give emphasis or prominence to. One might say that yesterday the Word accentuated the….. not negative but most definitely the “do nots.” Do nots always give me a perspective of where i am at. i find that most of the time the Word lays out the do nots and then leaves me with the accentuate positive. while it would be nice, so i think to just leave out the do not’s, i must admit that they serve well in my learning ability. Today though i get to see, hear and apply the accentuated positive words. It’s kinda like yesterday was the now and today is the future.

DO NOT’S – ed, let no obstructed with foreign matter, or rendered less effective or efficient language, morally wrong, unhealthful to health or physical or moral well-being, or good-for-nothing talk…… [ever]: at all times, always, come out of ed’s mouth.

Ephesians 4:29 Let no foul or polluting language, nor evil word nor unwholesome or worthless talk [ever] come out of your mouth, but only such [speech] as is good and beneficial to the spiritual progress of others, as is fitting to the need and the occasion, that it may be a blessing and give grace (God’s favor) to those who hear it.

But only such [speech, language, talk] as is good and beneficial…

i get what speech, language, and talk means. i guess i would say that it’s anything which proceeds out of my mouth. “But only such,” could have been “Let only such.” Let only such speech, language, talk as is… is….. is: take place; happen; occur. ed let only such speech, language, talk as happens, takes place or occurs to be good….

Good: morally excellent; virtuous; righteous. i didn’t make it up, that’s what Webster’s says. ed let only such speech, language, talk as happens, takes place or occurs to be morally excellent…. It’s so tempting to add the entire definition but my memory isn’t what it used to be and i do try to remember these expanded meaning.

“And beneficial.”  Beneficial: helpful in the meeting of needs. ed let only such speech, language, talk as happens, takes place or occurs to be morally excellent and helpful in the meeting of needs… i doubt that this just means practical needs. i would tend to think that it means relational as well as practical. i often define love as, “giving someone else what they need the most, when they deserve it the least, at great cost to you or me in this case.” Love is helpful in the meeting of needs. my words are to be helpful in the meeting of needs. It occurs to me that my words being helpful in meeting needs may not always be flowery of easy words to speak. Recently, i had to speak what i hoped would be helpful words to someone regarding their singing. They were not words to encourage him to sing, but ones to say singing is not your gift. i was trusting that our relationship would bear the words, and it did! Whewwww. Speaking words that are helpful for meeting needs does not mean that we only get to say things people want to hear, but from my experience relationships that are growing will grow faster when the words between us are morally excellent, virtuous, and righteous.

 ed let only such speech, language, talk as happens, take place or occurs to be morally excellent and helpful in the meeting of needs to the spiritual progress of others…

i get it…my words when mixed with other people’s words are better served if they are not for my benefit but for the spiritual benefit of others. i have realized for many years that the very best that i have to offer anyone is not my advice, my opinion not even my experience but the very best is the word. This whole series about words is serving to confirm many things for me that to one degree or another i am attempting to grow in. Sometimes i am so aware of the words around me that it hurts. i am saddened by how many words i have loosed without any value. i am also encouraged that i am truely working to make each word count for life whether they’re about me or someone else.


Ephesians 4:29 Let no foul or polluting language, nor evil word nor unwholesome or worthless talk [ever] come out of your mouth, but only such [speech] as is good and beneficial to the spiritual progress of others, as is fitting to the need and the occasion,  is the next portion of the verse.

For many years now when people ask me to pray for them i have difficulty in doing so when they just want me to pray what they want. i have begun asking people for a verse that i can agree with them on. Rarely does anyone have one, a verse i mean. So i carry a God’s Promises For Today Book with me. Once i know the topic of prayer they are asking for, i go to my topical index and find the verses that pertain to their need. i read them all which is usually 7 to 10 verses. i then reread them and ask the Lord to show me the verse to pray for them. It may take several readings but eventually i have the word to pray for this persons request. i am more confident in my prayer and that the answer will come. Not because of me but because of the word i’m praying, being a promise from God.

ed, let only such speech, language, talk as happens, take place or occurs to be morally excellent and helpful in the meeting of needs to the spiritual progress of others, as is fitting (suitable or appropriate) to the need (necessity arising from the circumstances) and the occasion (a particular time, a special or important time)

i just love God so much because He doesn’t tell me to do something just because He is God. My parents used to tell me to do things and if i dared asked why the response, “because I said so,” would come quickly. The other saying was, “do as I say, not as I do.” God is nothing like that. He has already set the example in words and actions for me to see what i am to do. What i like the most is that He tells me why i am to do what He says, and the remainder of this verse is just such an example.

that it may be a blessing – blessing: the invoking of God’s favor upon a person: Can you believe this is Webster’s words?

and give grace (God’s favor) to those who hear it. Hear: to learn by the ear, to listen to; give or pay attention to. To those who hear it!

ed, let only such speech, language, talk as happens, take place or occurs to be morally excellent and helpful in the meeting of needs to the spiritual progress of others, as is fitting (suitable or appropriate) to the need (necessity arising from the circumstances) and the occasion (a particular time, a special or important time), that it may be the invoking of God’s favor upon a person or persons who, learn by the ear, listen to, give or pay attention to.

my conclusion is that people will want to hear “it.” “It,” being the words we just finished defining. my words meeting needs practically and spiritually.  my words that encourage. my words that are uplifting. my words of life. my words flowing out of me and through me toward those who want to hear them. my inward experiences becoming my words then spoken and accentuated over my outward meltdowns.

Today’s title belongs to one of the readers. Another new conversation and i promise to make this one the last of its type. Texting back and forth with someone i received the words, “I just having fun with you.” First is it possible for someone to have fun with me without my knowledge and permission? i always under stood this to mean that in some way or another i was having fun at some one elses expense. When i used to do that and i don’t mean to say that i have stopped it completely, because i haven’t, but as i recall just having fun with someone it would include some form of taking what i perceived as a weakness, a short coming or a mistake or some such thing and making it the focus of my words, which others would join in or just find it funny.  Ultimately i was having fun at the expense of some one else. Now it may not have hurt them and they may even join in, but… is that what i desire to do? Won’t people at some point not desire to be around me because they don’t want to pay the price by being my fun? If i were to remove the word from my mind and sight then i suppose all these things would be okay. But with the word in front of me….. not so much!
Ephesians 4:29 Let no foul or polluting language, nor evil word nor unwholesome or worthless talk [ever] come out of your mouth, but only such [speech] as is good and beneficial to the spiritual progress of others, as is fitting to the need and the occasion, that it may be a blessing and give grace (God’s favor) to those who hear it.
i read these words and immediately understand that i am the one who is to “let no.” It is a choice for me to make. i have the ability to “let no.” This means i am fully equipped to fulfill this verse. It’s as though it was saying, “ed, let no.” i am in control or am i? If the abundance of me heart is filled with “let no,” then i actually have help. Help that is all the while at work in me. So all my prayers for God to make my words His words or even better are prayer in vain? Well maybe not in vain but i have learned that i can’t do what God does and He won’t do what i have been assigned to do.
“Let no, foul.” Foul: grossly offensive to the senses; disgustingly loathsome; noisome, containing or characterized by offensive or noisome matter, filthy or dirty, clogged or obstructed with foreign matter.
i apologize again that this will be repetitive for some when reading this but it is absolutely necessary for me so as to apply it in my everyday life. i am often offended by what i consider to be grossly offensive words. Conversations regarding bodily functions do it to me every time. When did it become so acceptable? Those words to me are obstructed with foreign matter. For me they are foreign to the word of God.
ed, let no obstructed with foreign matter, …………… or polluting language.
Polluting: to make foul or unclean, to make morally unclean, defile, to render ceremonially impure; desecrate: (i found their illustration intriguing) to pollute a house of worship. to render less effective or efficient: i think i realized at least three or four ways that i make my words  foul or unclean. i literally speak words that become less effective than their potential. Then they become less efficient and suddenly there is a need for more words because the ones i spoke don’t live up to their potential. 
ed, let no obstructed with foreign matter, or rendered less effective or efficient language……… and if that is not enough then there is more. ed, let no evil word nor unwholesome or worthless talk! Okay i’ll try to keep this simple.
Evil: morally wrong or bad, immoral, harmful, injurious, due to actual or imputed bad conduct or character, marked by anger, irritability.
Unwholesome: unhealthful to health or physical or moral well-being.
Worthless: of no use, importance, or value; good-for-nothing.
ed, let no obstructed with foreign matter, or rendered less effective or efficient language, morally wrong, unhealthful to health or physical or moral well-being, or good-for-nothing talk…… [ever]: at all times, always, come out of ed’s mouth.
Perhaps i’ll check this out in another translation. i love the Amplified but it usually puts the word in my face as it get’s very explicit. So just maybe another translation will ease the pain.
Ephesians 4:29 NKJ – Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.
Ephesians 4:29 NIV – Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
Ephesians 4:29 Mess – Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps, each word a gift.
Okay no relief found their but relief is not what i am really looking for. i want my words to be effective and efficient for God’s use and glory.

So i wrote on Friday that i could not find a definition of kidding. A reader did and so i will correct Fridays blog by using the definition of kidding that he found in the same place that i looked and didn’t find. i also looked again this morning and i still don’t see it? Same address, same program? Hummmmmmmm.

Kidding: to talk or deal jokingly with; banter; to humbug or fool. to speak or act deceptively in jest;

The definition speaks for itself! Why would anyone want to waste words, bantering, fooling, or speaking deceptively? i went back to Friday so as to get the context of what i was hearing and speaking. i may have to revisit this topic?

I spent the weekend with friends of my sons. i listened. i heard. i learned. So much of the conversations were filled with the three words in todays title. Now i like to kid or  joke with people as much as the next guy. But these three words… not so much.  i looked to see if Jesus ever participated in these types of conversations. If He did there is no record of it. i did find a couple of places where i (in my opinion) thought He was sarcastic. Anyway,  i began to think on my conversations and wondered how much of them are filled with innuendos, suppositions, and insinuations? Or better yet what are people’s perceptions of what i say? I have said many times when i’m teaching, “here what i’m saying, not what i’m not saying.” Right now the story of the little boy who cried wolf comes to mind. Eventually no one listened to him. People lost confidence in him and did not take him seriously. Finally the one day that he needed to be heard and taken seriously there was no one willing. Will my kidding, joking or any of the words in todays title every cross the line to where people just won’t listen to me any more?

i have to start by letting Webster’s define the words for me.

Innuendos: an indirect intimation about a person or thing, of a disparaging or a derogatory nature.

Been there and sadly done that. i have spoken something about a person just based on how they look. That’s probably worse. How about if i preface my remarks with, “i don’t mean to….”? Does that make it alright? Oh and what about if i am just repeating what i heard someone say? i’m not really saying it then, right?

Matthew 12:36 But I tell you, on the day of judgment men will have to give account for every idle (inoperative, nonworking) word they speak.

Suppositions: the act of supposing. something that is supposed; assumption; hypothesis.
for me it just sounds like another version of innuendos. i make an assumption or maybe i should say i am making a hypothesis and hope that most wouldn’t know what it means and thus it wouldn’t be so bad?

Matthew 12:36 But I tell you, on the day of judgment men will have to give account for every idle (inoperative, nonworking) word they speak.

Insinuations: an indirect or covert suggestion or hint, esp. of a derogatory nature: covert or artful suggestion or hinting, as of something implied:
How about planning my words of a derogatory nature so that they leave the meaning up to the listener? This brings back memories of a few blogs back. The “art of suggestion.” i just hint at something rather than coming out and saying it. I don’t lie… but, i don’t tell the whole truth either. I suggest or hint at what i really want to say, but i never do say it. So… i’m innocent right?

Matthew 12:36 But I tell you, on the day of judgment men will have to give account for every idle (inoperative, nonworking) word they speak.

I only go to the Message when i desire a different perspective on a verse or a topic. i was led to do so here. It’s very much in my face and only makes the words hurt a little more.
Matthew 12:36-37 You have minds like a snake pit! How do you suppose what you say is worth anything when you are so foul-minded? It’s your heart, not the dictionary, that gives meaning to your words. A good person produces good deeds and words season after season. An evil person is a blight on the orchard. Let me tell you something: Every one of these careless words is going to come back to haunt you. There will be a time of Reckoning. Words are powerful; take them seriously. Words can be your salvation. Words can also be your damnation.”
Again with the heart thing! I know my mind is not always my best friend and i am well aware that it still in the process of being renewed, but… snake pit? i can’t stand snakes. So foul minded? Yes there are still moments when that is true but in part that’s why i’m journaling through this blog. i am exposing those things by putting them next to the word to expose the truth as the truth and not be deceived by a well dressed lie.i like options, well, most of the time. i like being able to look at this and then look at that and then make a well informed choice.
Ephesians 4:29 Let no foul or polluting language, nor evil word nor unwholesome or worthless talk [ever] come out of your mouth, but only such [speech] as is good and beneficial to the spiritual progress of others, as is fitting to the need and the occasion, that it may be a blessing and give grace (God’s favor) to those who hear it.

So yesterday there were two conversations that have stuck with me. Neither conversation directly involved me but certainly potential learning is applied.

i am finding that this blog is about me, I Am and others. i have given though to changing the name but i don’t think it’s necessary as God is all about me and others in relationship. So it should be understood. But for those who do life with me you must be forwarned that you may find yourself in print. If you would like to be excluded from that possibility a simple text or email will ensure your safety and as always i do try to protect your anonymity.

In the first conversation which by the way was an email so i’m not sure it counts but most likely whether the words are spoken, or written they are still subject to the same implications and therefore i’m counting it. Again i will remove the names to protect the innocent or possibly the guilty.

Conversation one was in response to a previous email and it asked the question “are you sure this is what you want?” Response back, “yes.” It’s the return response back from that simple yes that caught my attention. “Okay but you are nuts.” “Nuts?” Really? REALLY? obviously i know this person and i have no inclination that they are “nuts.” i began thinking that calling this person nuts was out of place. How does an email with a simple answer of yes deserve a you’re nuts in return. i then jumped into this email conversation asking that this person not be referred to as nuts. i’ll just say that i would know if they were actually nuts. i received a response back “just kidding.” Can you do that? Can you make words null and void by saying “just kidding.” Do they then just die in their tracks or are their consequences that can’t be stopped? Will more words have to be spoken or written to contradict the original words? Can words once spoken and put on paper or left to linger in the air be taken back with a simple word, “kidding?” i think it would be like shooting someone and then just saying ,”sorry.” Anyway, i asked myself,  isn’t there some truth in the persons mind who spoke those nuts words? Were those words out of the abundance of their heart? They say no, that it’s just kidding but is it? Nuts may have not been the correct word but there was a definite implication that the this person did not agree with the yes response as to what they wanted done. No harm done that can be seen, except that the so called “nut’s person is now in the position of defending or commenting on the words spoken about them and what they think of the person who spoke them. Oh yea, and everyone is now good material for me and I Am. What would have happened if the response to yes had been simply okay? i did tell this person to read me and I Am and see how my words got me into trouble. Their response was that they were just kidding and i was being brutally honest. Again my thoughts return to out of the abundance of ed’s heart ed’s mouth speaks. Is that for ed only or does it apply to all? And i am now questioning how literal this is meant to be? Am i getting carried away? Calling or telling someone they are nuts does not nor did have, a good effect on the person being spoken about. No they didn’t die but it did not encourage them either. Not very encouraging or supportive? Especially from someone who is cared for, loved, appreciated, and very dear and told over and over that they are one of those people that this person looks to for support. Enough about conversation number one.

Conversation number two involved the same person who was called “nuts.” They went to purchase something and the counter person asked for their name and introduced themselves as well. They proceeded to have conversation that revealed a blessing to our “nuts” person. The transaction complete and the person now in the car, began to share every bit of the conversation from the moment they entered  into the place of business until they left. There was excitement in the tone of voice. There was admiration for the counter person. There was satisfaction all around with every part of this conversation. i simply listened and learned. The difference in response to the two conversations was like night and day. i do not intend to imply guilt and certainly not condemnation on the person of the first conversation. But…. there was and is no doubt about which one was beneficial for the  person in my car. i know that we will visit this place again, just as we have every time we come here. This time i just listened closer and i as well as they both benefited from the visit.

i tried to find the definition of kidding, thinking that i may have the wrong understanding of what it means. Get this it’s not in the dictionary! Kid is there and what it means but no kidding. i’ll just have to stick with my understanding of what it means and therefore i must use kidding very carefully with others. i must also say that there are several other words that are similar to kidding and are often spoken to fix some poorly spoken words. How about just joking or I didn’t mean it? Seems to me using my words for “kidding” is a sure way to get me into trouble. And NO all this does not mean that you have to be a dud!

Matthew 12:33-37 Make a tree good and its fruit will be good, or make a tree bad and its fruit will be bad, for a tree is recognized by its fruit. 34You brood of vipers, how can you who are evil say anything good? For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. 35The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him. 36But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken. 37For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned.”

Just kidding?

“Words” In a multitude there is?

Posted: August 19, 2010 in Words

In a multitude of words there is…. much to learn, much to write about, little benefit, much foolishness, etc, etc.?

Okay, i have been replaying some portions of yesterday that didn’t make it into me and I Am. It’s the portion of my words that got me in trouble yesterday. In the end you’ll see that I Am uses anything and everything to teach me. It was during the second leg of our flight and i assumed that just like the first portion i would continue on through the second portion  by blocking out everything with my new super duper earphones and some incredible worship music. Did i mention that they were a gift? I now seem to remember having a conversation regarding this story where i blamed them for getting me into the trouble? Hummmmmm? My flying partner (you know who) had other plans for this time, which i was not aware of…., in my defense. New earphones inserted into ears and worship filling my “be”ing i felt a tap on m arm. Earphones out and now listening to the questions being asked that was actually coming from a magazine you know who was reading. i answered promptly and returned to that other place. Moments later there was another tap on my arm and another question or comment i’m not really sure but in either case it was a disruption in my mind. But i responded and again went back to “be”ing. Yep, you got it, another tap on the arm and this time i choose my words as follows. “you see these earphones? i have them in my ears so that i don’t have to listen to anything else.” Spoken with conviction and sincerity, not to my advantage at this point i might add. I got the look and then i got what i had asked for… silence. These words probably fit the otherwise category.

Today began in the 5ish hour of the morning from an unknown caller. i decided to declare that this was the day the Lord had made and that i was choosing to rejoice and be glad in it. Much the same way i do when at home. All was right again and when my day did actually begin after a little more snoozing time i felt blessed. It’s a balmy 65 degrees, the sun is shinning and family is everywhere. During my time of just taking it all in the sitter had arrived. In the following story i keep the names of those involved private so as to not expose the guilty.

Casual conversation was going on about this and that when i heard one of them say and i’ll paraphrase to keep this short, the bass player at the church creeps me out. He’s always standing close to me and texting me. Response, yah he can be a little weird. Then came the words, so and so is weird also. yah but he’s a doctor and all doctors are that way. Response, he thinks he’s something, that’s what i don’t like about him but his wife is nice. Then finally there were a few short comments about the pastor’ s wife at which time i chimed in, “i’m really looking forward to visiting this church.” killed the momentum of their conversation and that was it. Ann Marie and i looked at each other and smiled both knowing that this would be good material for me and I Am today.

The words that kept playing through my mind were, “abundance of the heart.” i just remembered that at one point one of them actually said, “we can talk about them…. something, something, something.” Abundance of the heart?

Here are my thoughts on these two conversations. In my attempt to make the abundance of my heart something other than my fond dislike of air travel “stuff” i gave no thought to relationship. Went overboard…. in the wrong direction.  The problem….i made it all about me and all about now. Ann Marie has introduced a new thing into our relationship. When we are having growth opportunities we are to ask ourselves are we trying to prove or improve. In this situation my remarks were to prove my point. I did nothing to improve my relationship with my wife in spite of trying to improve my relationship with I Am. There was a definite contradiction there and i have said many times that God does not and in fact cannot contradict Himself. So… ed is not supposed to do so either.

So for all who read me and I Am, this is an apology to my best friend. Today we’ll make it up and find some way to improve our 38 plus years relationship. As for the other conversation i’ll just let it go and be thankful that i did not get caught up in it and neither did Ann Marie. And i did tell my son… oops, that i was very thankful for the material they provided for me to write about today.

Yesterday i needed no help with material i provided all i needed, all by myself. It’s obvious that there is still much room for change in what occupies a place in my heart. Yesterday i was as Proverbs 6:2 says, “ed, you are snared by the words of your mouth; ed, you are taken by the words of your mouth. Today i would like to “be” as Proverbs 12:14 says, “ed from the fruit of your lips you will be filled with good things as surely as the work of  your hands rewards you.

6:00 am! enh, enh, enh, enh, enh! That was the irritating sound (no clue about spelling but just imagine the worst sound you can imagine that you can spell and that was it.) It was spewing, yes spewing, from Ann Maries’s blackberry phone. Then, just as she got it under control the westminster chimes took it’s place spewing from my iphone which was on the other side of the room because the designer of the hotel must have run short on funds to put in a decent amount of electrical outlets. Usually i lay there for a few while i’m entering the day. It’s during this time that I try to make my first thought and declaration of the day center around God. i want to establish that i recognize the day as being God’s day and that i will make every attempt to rejoice and be happy in that fact. Not  today…… Not currently my priority!

It’s now about 9:45am and i am sitting on the airplane that will take me to see my new but now 6 month old grandson. The previous paragraph did not exist until i realized it at this time. No good morning God! No declaration of much other than, i’m tired. Certainly no rejoicing. Oh i did declare that i do not like airport “stuff.”  i am fine or at least can tolerate the actual flight, but the airport is where i have a fond dislike. i’ll spare you the why’s. Five more hours of travel! But i am proud of myself, i decided to not call it travel. i was now going to enter into personal, intimate, quiet time. i pulled out my brand new, super duper earphones that were given to me as a gift. It is rare that i get gifts unlike Ann Marie who gets gifts all the time. But when i do get a gift it is outstanding and thus is the case with these headphones! I pulled them out, plugged them into my ears and i immediately entered another dimension. They block out every sound except for the one i desire to hear. i close my eyes and i do not look back.  It’s here that God and i have this discussion. Why did i allow a hotel room and the anticipation of an “airport” experience change my day?

So three and a half hours later i am corrected, adjusted and determined to stay on track. First i must find the time, no i must make the time to do me and I Am. Priorities must be established. Upon arriving  i made it a priority to get some food. Mission accomplished. i spoke it as a matter of fact and the driver went straight to food. i was then excited to hear that the two grand children were going to take naps and thus the priority was established in spite of desiring to take a nap that i would journal.

Between yesterday and today  i have gotten some clarity as far as my question regarding Deuteronomy 8:3. i have read the entire chapter at least 4 or 5 times. i had to consider other scripture as well. One of the dangers for me is that i try to take everything literally. That’s what i did here and i don’t think that’s what God intended in saying what He did in verse 3. When i reread the entire chapter several more times the words took on a different meaning. i believe that God was reminding the people of all they had been through for the purpose of having a relationship with Him. He tells them all that He has done, not to them but through them and their circumstances.

Verse 1 – ALL THE commandments which I command you this day you shall be watchful to do, that you may live and multiply and go in and possess the land which the Lord swore to give to your fathers.

Verse 2 – And you shall [earnestly] remember all the way which the Lord your God led you these forty years in the wilderness, to humble you and to prove you, to know what was in your [mind and] heart, whether you would keep His commandments or not.

Verse 3 – He humbled you and allowed you to hunger and fed you with manna, which you did not know nor did your fathers know, that He might make you recognize and personally know that man does not live by bread only, but man lives by every word that proceeds out of the mouth of the Lord.

Verse – 5 Know also in your [minds and] hearts that, as a man disciplines and instructs his son, so the Lord your God disciplines and instructs you.

These words are really about relationship more than about my desire to think God cares about me more because of some words that make me feel more loved or important. i should know that anything God says is always going to be about relationship. Now listen here! I already know that God loves me! To the point that if i were the only person on earth He would have died for me. As much love as i see that as, i am also aware that it does not compare to His actual love. i understand that. Here’s where that taking things literal can get me into trouble because it was the discussion of verse 3 that caused me to go and reread the entire chapter. Today i have a better or a more probable meaning to those words. What i’m trying to say and it feels like i’m doing a poor job of it, is that i focused on the last line and never considered the words surrounding them with the same interest or intensity.

i think God was telling me just as He was telling them to trust in God, that He has been their provision and He was telling me to remember that He has been and will be my provision. i must admit that some circumstances that came up on Friday were handled differently than they my have been, had I not gotten that verse and then began looking at what was really being said. i missed it on the surface and made it about me. Then God through patience,and persistence taught me that it was about Him and i got it. Yes it took a week or so but better late than never is what i’ll leave it at, at this point.