My external meltdowns take place because my internal experiences cannot sustain them. Part #4

Posted: August 5, 2010 in External meltdowns take place...

ed’s (my) outward visible (external) breakdown of self-control (meltdown) captures, power, or control (takes) precedence or priority (place) due to the fact that (because) ed’s (my) existing interior, heart (internal) practical wisdom gained from what ed has observed, encountered, or undergone (experiences)…

 There was no real definition for cannot so i’m breaking it down. First the word can: to be able to; have the ability, power, or skill to: to know how to. If it wasn’t for the other word, not i could get a little excited. Not: used to express negation, denial, refusal, or prohibition. So not denies, refuses, prohibits the ability, power or skill to know how.

ed’s (my) outward visible (external) breakdown of self-control (meltdown) captures, power, or control (takes) precedence or priority (place) due to the fact that (because) ed’s (my) existing interior, heart (internal) practical wisdom gained from what ed has observed, encountered, or undergone (experiences) denies, refuses, prohibits the ability, power or skill to know how (cannot)….

Sustain… to support, hold, or bear up from below; bear the weight of.

i am finding it difficult to find words to speak as the understanding of these words become more and more reality to me.

Today my mind wants to be in control. It is flooding me with thoughts regarding circumstances. my will is holding somewhat strong and trying to take those thoughts captive to the word of God. my emotions are on the verge…. ? Of what i’m not sure. i have no particular leaning toward frustration or anything else for that matter. It very well could be i’m on the verge of a break through? On the other hand it could be the verge of an external meltdown? my internal experience should be enough to sustain… to support, hold, or bear up from below; bear the weight of whatever it is. Especially since i recognize this place. i have been here and done this before so i am equipped to be victorious versus a victim. So what am i on the verge of? i asked ann marie to pray and all i could tell her was i’m on the verge and don’t ask me of what because i don’t know. i am well aware that silence, listening, meditation as intercession, and prayer as worship puts me in an uncomfortable place. So maybe i’m on the verge of peace and this is just the adrenaline adjusting to this different pace of life? i am so used to being on the go and moving all the time that my physical body has become accustomed to that life style. maybe my body feels like the brakes have been slammed on? One thing i’m sure of i will find out sooner or later. Sooner is my preference. i like meeting things head on most of the time.

ed’s (my) outward visible (external) breakdown of self-control (meltdown) captures, power, or control (takes) precedence or priority (place) due to the fact that (because) ed’s (my) existing interior, heart (internal) practical wisdom gained from what ed has observed, encountered, or undergone (experiences) denies, refuses, prohibits the ability, power or skill to know how (cannot)  support, hold, or bear up from below; bear the weight of (sustain)…

my last word in my message from God is them. Them: objective case of they meaning more than one. i just knew i wasn’t going to be excited about this words definition. i would have hoped to close on a more positive thought or word like it. It being one. One external meltdown versus them which is multiple meltdowns. Don’t get me wrong i’m not satisfied with even one but it seems to me that one compared to multiple would be an improvement even if it is a slight improvement.

my desire is to be a man of one thing. Psalm 27:4 One thing have I asked of the Lord, that will I seek, inquire for, and [insistently] require: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord [in His presence] all the days of my life, to behold and gaze upon the beauty [the sweet attractiveness and the delightful loveliness] of the Lord and to meditate, consider, and inquire in His temple.

So here it is! Every word defined, completely unwrapped and ready for my understanding. my past normal conclusion would be to say i’m done, i’ve got all that i was meant to get and so onward and upward. But me, present normal, is to now practice more silence, some more listening, a lot more meditation as intercession and an undetermined amount of time in prayer as worship. In Deuteronomy there is a verse that talks about sucking honey from the rocks. Let’s just say i’m going to see if there is any more honey to be gotten from these rocks.

ed’s (my) outward visible (external) breakdown of self-control (meltdowns) captures, power, or control (takes) precedence or priority (place) due to the fact that (because) ed’s (my) existing interior, heart (internal) practical wisdom gained from what ed has observed, encountered, or undergone (experiences) denies, refuses, prohibits the ability, power or skill to know how (cannot) to support, hold, or bear up from below; bear the weight of (sustain) objective case of they meaning more than one. (them).

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Comments
  1. Good evening

    Can I link to this post please?

  2. Wow all I can say is that you are a great writer! Where can I contact you if I want to hire you?

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