Lachrymose… The Heart Reader!

Posted: November 24, 2010 in Lachrymose

As i reviewed the past two days of posts i began to take more notice of what was causing me to be weepy. Yes, i said everything but after yesterday’s post i really wanted to know in more detail. Let me go back to when i became aware that i was weepy. The first thing that came to my mind was a book that i had been given, probably ten years ago by a friend. It’s called the Heart Reader. Ten years ago it made me cry as i read it, but that was a very rare occasion. Recently i had loaned it out for some others to read so it was fresh on my mind. Just thinking about this begins a weepy time. The Heart Reader, is about heart relationships, both life long changing ones and those that i would refer to as acquaintances.

Sam is a man who in some way becomes aware of every persons heart that he comes within range of. He hears everything! That’s seems to be where i am. i am hearing or better yet discerning the hearts of people around me. i honestly thought yesterday’s post was to scientific and not personal, but it was exactly what i needed. i am a detail person and i prefer to have my ducks in a row for most situations. It’s that control thing. No problem with change so long as i am in control of it at some level. That’s why this weepy thing has gotten to me. i am not in control at any level. i need a reason or a purpose or something to blame it on. Or at least i thought i did, not so much right now. It was in yesterday’s post that God revealed to me the why and it was to encourage me, not discipline me.

i get weepy when i get compassionate and i get compassionate when i CARE (serious attention, protection, temporary keeping, as for the benefit of) about the lives of His people. When sin causes me to weep, it’s a good thing. When sinful people cause to weep verses judge it’s an even better thing. The tears speak volumes. It means that this individual, in this situation has reached my heart.

As Sam in the Heart Reader had to find out what that looked like, so must i. In most cases i am not in a position to do much, especially when it’s on tv some other form of media. Yes, there are times when the person is near me and yet just like Sam i feel helpless to do anything for them. And just like Sam i sometime fear what God may be asking of me. i am not the person who walks up to strangers and engages. Anyone who knows me, really knows me, will tell you that i prefer silence and solitude, unless it’s about the word. When i heard God tell me two years ago through reading another book that i was to learn silence and solitude, i was thrilled. GOD told me to… well it didn’t turn out to mean what i thought. What i learned was to listen. To put myself in a position to hear. Now two years later i am hearing, discerning, hearts and it is the cause for my lachrymose.

Prior to all this happening i had practiced another type of silence and solitude. While i cared about people i distanced myself from them. A protective barrier was constructed. If people could not help my alcoholic father nor my suicidal mother, then what could they do for me? It was all about, what if anything, i might be able to do for them… from an arm’s length of course. While i would meet practical needs it was based on my selectiveness. While i would speak about God in my life, i would only make a judgement as to another persons relationship with God, never asking whether there was one or not and as for the depth of it… well you get the picture.

In closing, “Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts.”  Charles Dickens

Heaven knows i need never be ashamed of my tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying my hard heart. 

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