Lost – A Day?

Posted: June 3, 2011 in Wandering Thoughts

Don’t be fooled by the calendar.  There are only as many days in the year as you make use of.  ~Charles Richards

The first thing i thought of for this post was that i lost a day this week. Meaning that I Am got no glory but more importantly i lost sight of I Am’s love for me. i have for two months been in an ongoing battle which is in the court system. i have purposed and worked very hard to stay out of planning and spontaneous thoughts, words and actions at any level. Done fairly well i might say. This day that i lost though i let a sub-portion of this battle get more of my attention than i should have. i am disappointed in that. i did spend much of my day in the prayer room trying to take back my every thought captive to the word of God, but i can’t say i succeeded. I gave the opposing side too much of a head start. Not the person but the taking every thought captive to the word. The thoughts were taken captive to frustration, fear, doubt, disbelief and many other words i could use.

my flesh wanted to engage in this small little skirmish with all i have, yet every time i engaged with what i thought was much care and control things got worse. Details not included intentionally.

Maybe the thoughts came to fast or there were to many of them? Maybe i am just tired, worn down from the real battle and felt like i could release my position just a little to get some satisfaction or control? i really can’t say and the reason is unimportant. i lost a day for I Am’s glory and there is no getting it back. All i can do now is make sure it does not happen this day or tomorrow and so i get back up, hold my position and go back to remembering how much I Am loves me.

Maybe i shouldn’t say i lost a day, that’s part of the same thinking that controlled the day. The idea of winning and losing a skirmish. i needed or wanted something so i thought. i thought that i deserved to get it from an individual who i already thought was walking all over me. i know lots of thoughts. So my initial thoughts going into the day were already far from where they needed to be. Looking back, i know where i went wrong. I NEEDED, I WANTED. This was according to my planning versus just gathering the facts and turning it over to the Father. Had i used the tools i have gathered and the wisdom that i have experienced i would have been able to say i had a David day like He describes in Palm 71. i tripped coming out of the starting block.

I run for dear life to God, I’ll never live to regret it. I went to the skirmish first and then tried to intertwine some God into it and i am living to regret it today. That’s one of those flip sides i talk about. Why run for dear life to God, because of how much He loves me and if He loves me enough to not with hold His only Son then He would not with hold anything else that i need.

Do what you do so well: get me out of this mess and up on my feet. Missed this one also as i spent the day dealing with the people who were the skirmish instead of finding my trust in my Father. It was more like ed do what you do so well, ed get yourself out of this mess and get back up on your feet.

Put your ear to the ground and listen, give me space for salvation. Be a guest room where I can retreat; you said your door was always open! You’re my salvation—my vast, granite fortress. Retreat… NOT! i was being cautious and speaking with tempered words but retreat no way. All day long planning and responding. i think this is enough posting for posterity sake so i’ll just close with the remainder of the Psalm and today use it as a reminder for correct  and acceptable behavior as a righteous son of God. By the way… my regret is not for me or even the day but for the perception of who i am which reflects upon who my Father is that is now left on these people.
 My God, free me from the grip of Wicked, from the clutch of Bad and Bully. You keep me going when times are tough— my bedrock, God, since my childhood. 
I’ve hung on you from the day of my birth, the day you took me from the cradle; I’ll never run out of praise. Many gasp in alarm when they see me, but you take me in stride. Just as each day brims with your beauty, my mouth brims with praise. But don’t turn me out to pasture when I’m old or put me on the shelf when I can’t pull my weight. My enemies are talking behind my back, watching for their chance to knife me. The gossip is: “God has abandoned him. Pounce on him now; no one will help him.” God, don’t just watch from the sidelines. Come on! Run to my side! My accusers—make them lose face. Those out to get me—make them look Like idiots, while I stretch out, reaching for you, and daily add praise to praise. I’ll write the book on your righteousness, talk up your salvation the livelong day, never run out of good things to write or say. I come in the power of the Lord God, I post signs marking his right-of-way. You got me when I was an unformed youth, God, and taught me everything I know. Now I’m telling the world your wonders; I’ll keep at it until I’m old and gray. God, don’t walk off and leave me until I get out the news Of your strong right arm to this world, news of your power to the world yet to come, Your famous and righteous ways, O God. 
God, you’ve done it all! Who is quite like you? You, who made me stare trouble in the face, Turn me around; Now let me look life in the face. I’ve been to the bottom; Bring me up, streaming with honors; turn to me, be tender to me, And I’ll take up the lute and thank you to the tune of your faithfulness, God. I’ll make music for you on a harp, Holy One of Israel. When I open up in song to you, I let out lungsful of praise, my rescued life a song. All day long I’m chanting about you and your righteous ways, While those who tried to do me in slink off looking ashamed.

Life is not lost by dying; life is lost minute by minute, day by dragging day, in all the thousand small uncaring ways.  ~Stephen Vincent Benét

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