Am i There Yet – No Construction Zone

Posted: July 19, 2011 in Am i There Yet?

When i look at my situation in life i do something no other part of creation attempts… i try to make sense of it. my number one question has always been “why”. What possible purpose could God have for allowing this? i am always looking for order or purpose to my world and most often i find no answer. So how can i help others who are dealing with the things of their world? It’s simple i create my own understanding. And here’s an interesting observation, i only ask why when things seem to be tragic. Why don’t i ask why when it is awesome or a blessing by my definition. i read recently that scientist say the greatest threat to humanity is to live a meaningless life. For me… bring on the tragedy so long as i can make some kind of sense regarding it so that i can settle in my mind that it gives purpose. There is no other part of creation that imagines new frontiers for the purpose of discovering life’s meaning.

Much of my life has been lived out in heart stopping moments often times spinning out of control and hoping that God is there to catch me or break my fall. i have owned or better yet created over a dozen businesses in my life and yet not one satisfied for very long. It has been said of me that i get bored easily. i would rearrange the furniture in our house at least every 90 days… that is if it were up to me. i guess the very fact that i am free to create  a new job or design a new marketing piece is a gum-tree for me. i really never worry about not having a job because i think i can just create one if need be and in that i find security, or so i think.

On the other hand there have been those times when i was walking out a dream and suddenly realized that it wasn’t working like i thought it would. It’s then that i put my dream up for sale to move on to something else. i have no lack of dreams or ideas so it’s not that difficult.

Then there have been those times when i have looked to my faith to give me a boost in this life constructing process. If i am honest though my faith gives me no special edge in trying to construct my own life. At the very heart of my Christianity is the knowledge that i am completely at the mercy of God to find the meaning of my life. It is in Christ that i receive life, and i am never to construct one. i want to live with appreciation for the mystery and the adventure that come as a result of living life in Christ. It’s like wishful thinking or Great Creator. Nothing fits into the space in my life that God has reserved for Himself. i can not put God into the box that i have built for Him. He is beyond my capacity to limit Him. God is not just another piece of the puzzle. AND… God refuses to be captured by me His creation.

The story of the woman at the well holds many nuggets. When Jesus is talking to her He has one purpose in mind and that is to push her into a deeper understanding of her thirst. From water to relationships, from relationships to religion, from religion to hope. They finally get to her thirst for a savior quest and then Jesus reveals Himself as the one sent from God. But there is no place where Jesus “fixes” her life. She was still alienated from the other women, she still had to decide what to do about the man she was living with and all her divorces still remained. Yet the promise was that the water of Jesus would satisfy her thirst. What changed was that Jesus taught her how to worship… “in spirit and in truth” (vv. 23-24). The woman does not have God through the encounter with Jesus. What she “has” is a new way of finding water that satisfies her thirst.

i have searched for God and thought that i could find Him and “get” Him in such and such way. As of today i still have not gotten Him, but in many instances He has gotten me. That’s where i need to remain… gotten by God. i thought that more education in the word would get me more of God? Maybe a small group, men’s bible study or bible college would get me more of God? Perhaps a position, serving in a church or ministry, for free by the way would get me more of God? Tithing, giving offerings, serving and on and on go the ideas, yet not one has gotten me more of God. During these past few years as i have done less and less of those things and found my way to a place of worship more often, God has found me. What i have found is that there are places where God refuses to go regardless of whether i am there or not. i can have the best intent in doing a bible study and i can tell people that God will show up, but that is my presumption and sense of entitlement to presume that God will do so. He is not at my beckoned call, yet… He is always there. GRACE!

For many grace is a theological concept that plays a vital role in salvation. My grace is not limited to a theory of atonement, a formula for salvation or a schemas of the end of time. Grace to me did not just make a way for me to get to heaven. Grace to me is not just saying the right words, or living the right way or going to the right church. Grace to me and for me is the embodiment of God in Jesus Christ. Grace is the source of my hope, that i am in His hands and my life has purpose, no matter how tragic, dull, exciting or awesome that it seems to be. There are no good days and there are no bad days, just days of grace. And as much as i hate to say it, some days of grace i must endure and other days of grace i am able to enjoy, but with maturity i am hoping to enjoy them all.

In closing there is the story of a little girl who was in first grade, and she was asked to be an angel in a church Christmas play. Her mother spent weeks designing the costume. The day came and the little girl got dressed in her costume and came running into the room with her white dress, wings and halo. As she entered the room she cried out, “guess who, Daddy! Guess who!” Beneath the long, flowing white rob protruded her pink sneakers. The sneakers revealed the real child beneath the costume. i share that to say this, no matter how i try to dress myself up or change my appearance or increase my knowledge, my sin nature or better yet my humanity will always be sticking out in some way. AND… God will always be able to recognize me as He has marked me as His own. My name is written on the palms of His hands and i did not put it there, He did!


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