Am i There Yet – Relationships

Posted: July 21, 2011 in Am i There Yet?

Loneliness is one need that God did not want me to endure. With Adam God said, “that it was not good that he was alone” and so He created another human for Adam to be intimate with. This intimacy was not just sexual, but it was relational. The process for this is for me to bring my needs to others and when they are openly shared, i am to discover intimate community. Sometimes this works and… well other times not so much.

i was recently watching a commercial on television and the young girl states that scientist have proven that as people today get older they are withdrawing from others. She then goes on to introduce her parents to Facebook and she announces that they have 19 so-called friends, where as she has like over 600 so-called friends. PEOPLE!!! These are not friends they are at best acquaintances. i must ask myself how much of my day is spent doing the same old, same old with the same old same old and never getting to a place of intimacy. When am i to stop and listen to the stories of their lives? Scientists say that more people are leaving my life than entering it. Saying good-by is rarely a challenge as it’s become the norm. John Barth writes, Our friends float on past; we become involved with them; they float on, and we must rely on hearsay or lose track of them completely; they float back again, and we either renew our friendship – catch up to date – or find that they and we don’t comprehend each other any more.

i have lived in many, many places in my life and i only remember one that was hard to leave. A few of those moves were a matter of me settling for a “little pain” versus dealing with relational issues. Even today i deal with some relationships from the stand point of opening myself up to as “little pain” as possible and so the relationship never has a chance to develop. i have shelves lined with books, cd’s and dvd’s that all claim to be able to teach me how to have better relationships. i have not found one thus far that has all the answers and perhaps that’s because relationships involve more than just me.

In God’s design of me i was not equipped or designed for managing my needs, but i was to confess or share them. i am also not designed to be able to mend or fix others needs, but i was equipped to just hold them tightly. There was the day when i cherished the idea of making myself desirable so as to help other people in their needs. “You have a blank sheet of paper in your hands, write out what you want and “i” will help you get it.” God is the only help or hope that i have and that goes for others as well. In my best attempt i am but a speck of what God can do. As with most of the things of God we or i should say i complicate them. i reconstruct what family should look like to fit my circumstances and i end up with something far less than what God designed the family to be.

i like to think that one of the best things i did for my children was to let them go when the time came. That time was not when i thought or what i thought it would look like, but none the less they had determined that the time was right. Today it is not my job nor my intent to fix them and that is not to imply that they need fixing although a fine tuning might be in order. my thought would be that if i am in need of God’s grace daily, well, then my children are in need of my grace daily. There is a saying that the apple does not fall from the tree. i have never liked that saying in regards to parents and their children. my children have made their own way and many times i wonder where they got this or that because their mother nor i are like that at all.

There is a song that says, “the trouble with normal is it always gets worse.” The problem with sin is that adjusting to it gets easier but it never gets better. When Adam and Eve realized they had sinned, the first thing they did was get busy. They began to invent clothes and excuses. They gave up their dignity. In my relationships in some ways i have given up my dignity. A complement is no longer just a compliment. A compliment now has subtle meanings. “You look tied. You must be working to hard,” is a compliment. “You look well rested,” means you must not be doing anything.

In my relationships i have worked hard to learn compassion. i remember the day when someone told me that i had no empathy. i didn’t like hearing it and it has stuck with me for about 9 years. Jesus shows compassion in that he never beats me down with my sin, He is more interested in the healing of my sin. Many times Jesus has blurred the line between my sin and my righteousness just as He did with cheating tax collectors, adulterous woman and self-righteous Pharisees. Jesus was the example for me to hold together the two commitments of compassion and conviction. His compassion for the adulterous woman was saying, “Neither do I condemn you.” But because of His convictions he says, “Go now and leave your life of sin.” Compassion without conviction is meaningless and conviction without compassion brings no healing.

loneliness is only half of the truth. Through fears, the pain and the hard questions, a glimmer of faith emerges, reminding me of the searching hands of the Father. And in my relationships i find the other half of the truth which says, “i am found.”


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