Am i There Yet – Unruly Hope

Posted: July 25, 2011 in Am i There Yet?

The word says, “hope deferred makes the heart-sick.” But i wonder, is my heart-sick before my hope is deferred? If my heart were healthy wouldn’t it hold onto hope? And yes, perhaps what i call hope is something else. Maybe its hope in the wrong person or thing?

At breakfast a wife looks at her husband as he reads the newspaper, just as he has done every morning for the past 20 years. He desire is to tear the paper from his hands and tell him that she is in love with him every bit as much as the day they met. But she isn’t sure it’s true. She isn’t sure he loves her. She isn’t sure who he is anymore. She stares across the table at the back of the newspaper and asks, “where are you?” A man driving home from work realizes that once again he’s running late. He picks up the cell phone to tell his wife that he’ll be a little late for dinner. His little girl answers the phone and asks, “where are you?” He then remembers that he has forgotten her first piano recital. Disgusted with himself, he can’t get the question out of his mind, “where are you?” A recently widowed woman goes to bed alone and as the grief begins to take hold, with tears running down her face she asks, “where are you?” Hope has been deferred by various causes.

“Where are You?” i have asked that question. Often of people, occasionally of God, and even of myself. i like the story of Abraham and Isaac because it has a happy ending, God showed up in time. But sometimes it seems a s though God shows up to late, by my understanding of course. Jesus hears that Lazarus, whom he loves is ill, and yet he stays where he is for two more days. Jesus does not race right over to Lazarus’s place and fix him. Get this, Jesus says, He tarried until Lazarus died, “so that you may believe.” (Jn 11:15) Believe what? How about believe simply in God and not what He will do?

Perhaps my actions are to push my way to Jesus and grab a little bit of grace before it’s too late. Jairus has a sick daughter and asks Jesus to come and heal her but along the way a crowd gathers and in the crowd is a woman who has been sick a long time. Imagine as the crowd grows and Jesus pauses to heal this woman what Jarius might have been thinking. “Come on! This woman has a chronic problem, She’s been sick a long time, She’ll be sick tomorrow, but my daughter will be dead.” Jesus has the ruler, a man with the position and power, a man with authority wait while he heals a nobody. The story goes on that news came that the young girl died. Jesus did not show up in the nick of time, He was too late. What i must realize just a Jarius had to, was that Jesus is the God who shows up at the place of death, after hope has turned to despair, when the improbable becomes the impossible. i do not think of Jesus as the one who can and does defeat the power of death. Not sure why it never crosses my mind. Perhaps despair comes and seems more real. When despair comes to Jarius Jesus says, “Don’t be afraid, just believe.” Again , believe what? That a loss will be avoided or simply believing in Jesus. My hope must be in God alone and i must give up the idea that i can control His creativity in my life. Jesus gets to Jarrius’s house, throws everyone out and says, “talitha kuom! Little girl get up!” Then Jesus says, “Tell no one about this.” No long sermon just 4 words loaded with power.

Most of the time people can handle a little bit of Jesus, a Jesus who helps me out from time to time, or who offers me a little charity when i am in need, but a Jesus who is stronger than death? This would put Him in the category of being uncontrollable.

Believe: to have confidence in the truth, the existence, or the reliability of something, although without absolute proof that one is right in doing so. To have a conviction that (a person or thing) is, has been, or will be engaged in a given action or involved in a given situation.

Believe in what? “The Truth – God” Just how much confidence do i have in God is revealed each day in my actions. Could i take my son up the mountain for the purpose of a sacrifice? Would my belief in God sway if he did not show up until two days after my loved one died? What would it look like if one of my children died because Jesus paused to heal a nobody? My hope is sometimes unruly: disposed to disobedience.

  1. wayne thorn says:

    Do what’s necessary, then what’s important and then watch God do the impossible.

    We have no control over this life We’re just travelers in it

    We do what we can with what has been places before us. And then we rely on God for the rest.

    Take no thought for tomorrow, for tommorow will take care of its self.

  2. megan says:

    Very thought -provoking. I’m in a similar stream of thought. Find it interesting that the definition of believe involves the word Truth and Truth is Truth but as manifested throughout the course of my life is best determined by my perception of what Truth is. Truth is an idea/a concept to be grasped? Or is Truth a person meant only to be discovered through the vulnerability of a relationship?

    Thank you.

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