Inconsistent Fruit – Fear

Posted: August 23, 2011 in Inconsistent Fruit

i am driving to the campus today paying special attention to my speed as it’s the first day of school. i was convicted to obey the speed limit about 6 years ago so i am pretty cautious every day, but feeling the need to be more aware today. The following has happened to me on several occasions, in fact almost every time i am driving and i see a patrol car.

So… i am going around 45 in a fifty speed zone when in my review mirror i see a patrol car. Immediately… panic comes over me and i hit the brake nice and slowly as if to slid into the proper speed limit and not be noticed. Go figure, i am under the speed limit but i act as though i am not. The patrol car then comes along side me and he glances my way as he passes on by leaving my mind frantic with thoughts. Then as if all this wasn’t enough he slows down and lets me pass him. Is this some type of mind game? Is he running my plates? What’s going on? Now, i know for a fact that i was not speeding and i know that there is no reason for him to stop me, but the threat that he could caused my mind to produce more thoughts than i could take captive and i acted on them. i’m now doing 40 in a 50, i checked my seatbelt and then i checked Ann Marie’s. We are good here as i tried to calm my racing heart, even though i know there is no reason to be concerned. i turned, he turned and life was normal again.

Then the thought came, ed you just changed your actions for no reason. NO REASON! i might have been stopped for only God knows what. Then another thought, you slowed down putting aside the fact that you were already driving under the speed limit and you double checked everything you could to make sure you lined up with the law. Your heart raced with fear, an unfounded fear. You knew… but were willing to surrender to the idea that you had done something wrong. You considered a well dressed lie even if only for a few minutes, to be the truth.

Then the voice in my head proceeded to ask, “Why don’t you consider those things on MY account?” “When I come along side you why don’t you hit the brakes and slow down?” “In fact, why don’t you even notice when I come along side you.” “Why don’t you double-check you life, your actions your words as you did with the patrol car?” “ed does your heart race when you notice Me?”

i had not even had time to process any of that when Ann Marie and i had words. Yes it happens, more lately than any other time in our relationship. In spite of these blogs i simply don’t get it right, and this frustrates me to no end. Ann Marie is my best friend and i value that far more than our relationship as husband and wife, mother of our children. It is strange to me, as we have just made plans and i mean spent hours making these plans for three trips between now and the end of the year for us to be together for some special time, that we have these moments. How can two people who want to be together all the time have moments that seem to say we’re better off apart? That thought is a well dressed lie. RABBIT TRAIL!

Perhaps if God drove a patrol car i would have a resp[ectful fear of what He could do to me? Fear…. the phrase “fear of the Lord” occurs twenty-five times in the New American Standard Bible (NASB). The phrase occurs twenty-three times in the Old Testament and two times in the New Testament. It first appears in 2 Chronicles 19:7 and then again two verses later. The other references are as follows: Job 28:28; Ps. 19:9; 34:11; 111:10; Proverbs 1:7; 1:29; 2:5; 8:13; 9:10; 10:27; 14:26-27; 15:16, 33; 16:6; 19:23; 22:4; 23:17; Isaiah 11:2-3; 33:6; Acts 9:31; and 2 Corinthians 5:11. “Fear of the Lord” appears more times in the book of Proverbs than in any other book in the NASB.

Fear of the Lord. The word “fear” in the phrase “fear of the Lord” comes from the Hebrew word YIRAH (transliterated), and it means “to be terrified” (Jonah 1:10), “to be awe” (1 Kings 3:28), and “to have respect” (Lev. 19:3). The “fear of the Lord” is the reverence one would pay to a king because he is the majesty. But if one has offended the king and punishment is coming, that fear in the Hebrew is YARE. YARE is used in the phrase “fear the Lord” 31 times in the Old Testament. Therefore, when one sins, that person might fear God’s discipline (Deut. 10:20).

Proverbs says that the “fear of the Lord” – honor and respect for the Lord – is wisdom and it is the beginning of knowledge.

In closing, i realize i have my fears mixed up. I have fear for the law of the land… not so much for the life giver. i must be serious about my relationship with God. If i “fear” the Lord i am not anxious about my relationship to Him, or afraid of Him, i take very seriously my responsibility to Him. As for patrol cars and officers…. well’ i think there is a healthy fear of them as well. They serve as a reminder that there are laws that must be followed. The problem may be that by the time i see the patrol car or officer it’s too late, i have already disregarded my fear for those laws. i do not want to make the same mistake in my spiritual life.

Ecclesiastes 12:13 (NIV) Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the duty of all mankind.

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