Adoption… Father

Posted: September 11, 2013 in Adoption..., Wandering Thoughts

It  is easier for a father to have children than for children to have a real father. – Pope  John XXIII

This may not be “The Rest of the Story” but it is more of the story.

i never knew my “biological” father so, was he still my father? Does the answer lie within the definition of a father? i think not!

Father: a man who exercises paternal care over other persons, paternal protector or provider. i find nothing definitive about the person who contributes his sperm to a woman, being a father. The man who served in that capacity never exercised care over me. He never protected me and never provided for me. This is not judgment on him, it’s just the facts and thus i can’t find any way to call him father.

On the other hand this man who for whatever reason came together with my mother, who was already pregnant with me, and took on the roll of a care taker, a protector and a provider. This is my father! An interesting side note to this is that just this weekend as we were repositioning “stuff” i found my parents marriage certificate. i was born on November 1st 1951 and they were married in 1954. Further, i saw on the certificate that it had the words exemption applied typed on it. Not knowing what that meant i read further and found out that my father was previously married. Other than adding to the “dysfunctional family” idea neither of these facts makes any difference. i simply say all that to establish that my father is the one who exercised the best level of care, protection and provision for me that he was capable of. And… i have never felt that i was cheated, short changed or a victim because of the family i was put on loan to.

At an early age i got on a church bus every Sunday. It was because of someone who i refer to as my spiritual father. To this day he cares for me, protects, me and provides for me not in the physical sense but in the fact that he has not missed a day of praying for me and it’s been over 50 years. So I have two fathers who provide me with the same things yet in very different ways.

Then there is a third father but i can see right now being at almost 400 words that there will be more to this story because i can’t cover what i believe will be the rest of the story in this post. As tomorrow is MEASURE #8 it will be Monday before i get back to this.

There might be a question about how i can speak so highly of my so-called dysfunctional parents. The answer is simple. But God! my heavenly Father understands my disappointment, suffering, pain, fear, and doubt. He is always there to encourage my heart and help me understand  that He’s more than enough for all my needs. When i accept this as an absolute  truth, i find that my grumbling, complaining and worrying stops. i realize they did their best. As for me and extending care, protection and provision to my wife and children, I would like to think that I was there more often than not. Only time will tell as they grow up and speak of me to their children.

There is a sign that has hung in the prayer room for at least the past 5 years. While it does not describe my father as I knew him, it does describe the relationship i have with my heavenly father. 

Father: my protector, my hero, the man who said everything will be alright, and it was!



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