Hurt… i Don’t Want It Any More!

Posted: September 24, 2014 in Hurt...
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Welcome to me and I AM. i’m your host Dr. Ed Peterson and i’m so glad you have entrusted me with a few minutes of your time.

hurtsEver experience the hurt illustrated in this picture? Have you ever been hurt to this degree? i have!

During my childhood i would hurt when my father would come home drunk and there would be a blow up between him and my mother in the middle of the night. i wish this would stop. i don’t want it any more!

i recalled the hurt of finding my mother lying on the bathroom floor with blood around her after cutting her wrists in a failed suicide attempt. i hurt because i felt that she wanted to leave me, that she didn’t love me anymore. What did i do?  i don’t want it any more!

i remember when my brothers broke into my house and robbed us after a failed attempt to help them get back on their feet. We’re family.  i don’t want it any more!

i often think of the person who decided to never speak to us again after 20 years of friendship because when their husband asked for a divorce we remained in contact with him. i miss you, please, let’s talk. i don’t want it any more!

i remember the pain of coming to work one day and all our belongings were being loaded into a U-Haul, because we had been fired from a job with a friend of over 20 years. i trusted you. i don’t want it any more!

It’s like it was yesterday that i can hear the words of our co-pastor, one of my only best friends attempt to destroy us as we had decided to leave the church. As we sat there he told us that he had to do what he was doing because we were a cancer to him and that within the four walls of his church, he held the scepter, so he had to destroy us. You were like a brother. i don’t want it any more!

i remember the hurt when my one and only true love, my wife, my best friend now of 42 years but then after just two years of marriage telling me in a note that she never really loved me and was going back home. i thought we were soul mates.  i don’t want it any more!Tears

Then there was hearing one of my children tell me that they hated me and just as clear, i hear the words of them letting me know that in one way or another that i disappointed them. But i tried so hard. i don’t want it any more!

I have repeated the words of another pastor over and over, even to him how he told me i was to old to fill a position that was open in the church and that was after sharing with him that i was sent to the church for him. I’m too old? Now what? i don’t want it any more!

Then there was the time when we returned from a trip to St Maartin in which we had taken some families, some friends with us and had pretty much covered the cost but they shared with us that we did so for the purpose of counseling them and not out of friendship. That’s not true. i don’t want it any more!

And there was the pastor who promised both Ann Marie and i that there would be a position with him for the rest of our lives, that we were called to serve together, which we did for years with no or little salary but then were discarded with what seemed to be not one ounce of thought, respect or care. You promised. i don’t want it any more!

And let’s not forget God… yes, i have felt hurt by God which is another whole story for another time. Not You too. i don’t want it any more!

You’re thinking, my goodness ed, that’s a lot of hurts! Yes, it sure is and these are just a few. But these hurts are not the real subject of this two or three part series. i just wanted readers to know that i have experience with being hurt and feeling like “i don’t want it any more.”. Tomorrow we’ll look deeper into what to do when hurt becomes a reality, when it smacks you in the face, when it seems to be unbearable, when you think you just want to die

Here’s what i think i know, i am going to get hurt in life… but, believe it or not… i can choose who i’ll get hurt by. Secondly the key is to not get stuck in the emotions of past hurts but to be able to grieve and then to move on, coming away with a life lesson or two.

 

 

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Comments
  1. Ann Marie Peterson says:

    Everyone has been hurt but I beleive only God has the ability to turn your hurt into healing for others.

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