Average… When It Doesn’t Work?

Posted: November 14, 2014 in Average..., Podcasts
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PLEASE CLICK ON THE LINK BELOW TO LISTEN.

Thank you for joining me today. i’m Dr. ed peterson and i’m the host of the me and I Am post and podcast.

There is a difference between spending all your time together and being married? Once the knot was tied, the whole dynamics of the relationship changed. i am now bound to her and her to me. i made a commitment, and i can’t just walk out when things don’t go my way and the same is true for her. i’m in this for the long haul, good times and bad times, for better and for worse, in sickness and in health and my level of commitment makes all the difference.

UnknownIn America today the average marriage commitment lasts just eight years. There is a divorce every 36 seconds which translates into 2,400 divorces per day, 16,800 divorces per week, and 876,000 divorces per year. An average degree of love and affection will put us right in the middle of those statistics.

There are moments in marriage when your spouse may disappoint you. When this happens, it’s hard to know how to deal with the disappointment without making things worse.

Disappointment comes in many forms such as minor or major. It could be as simple as forgetting to pick something up at the store or as complicated as an affair. In some of the most difficult situations, the disappointment in your spouse can actually change the way you look at them. Maybe you never thought that he or she could do something that would disappoint you. Your view of your spouse’s character changes.

When your spouse disappoints you, the first thing that you need to do is to examine why you feel disappointed. Were you asking too much of your spouse? Did you have over-inflated expectations? For minor disappointments, it might be best to let it go. If you feel that your disappointment is valid and needs to be addressed, then the next step is to deal with the issue with your spouse.

As spiritual people, we know that we are not perfect. We are merely human and make many mistakes along the way in our lives. Why then, do we assume that our marriages have to or will be perfect?

imagesWhen we’re young and in love we tend to believe that a happy marriage means that we will spend hours staring into each other’s eyes, doing fun things together and always agreeing. This is probably because during dating, a couple tends to spend hours staring into each other’s eyes, doing fun things and always agreeing. We tend to focus on how perfect our love is.

Marriage is really an imperfect union made up of two imperfect people. We each have our own opinions, backgrounds and quirks. No matter how compatible we are for each other, we have to be aware that we have imperfections.

While it is helpful to have the same basic beliefs on the big issues, money, family, etc., spouses will have a tough time in life if their goal is to always be of the same mind in everything. Disagreeing is inevitable, and appreciating the differences is a wonderful way to realize how unique and special we each are.

Trying to have a perfect marriage puts much undue pressure on a couple. We must be able to relax in marriage and focus on working together rather than worrying about everything being perfect. Even telling your spouse that he or she is perfect is a lot for that spouse to live up to. A better approach is to believe that the two are perfect for each other and that no matter what difficulties come, we’ll make the best of our imperfect marriage.

Often times ultimatums come into play. They will be used by someone who may be feeling a bit desperate. If you feel that your needs aren’t being met or if the relationship isn’t going the way that you want it to go, then you might issue an ultimatum. Frustration and lack of communication often breeds ultimatums. It is a way of putting everything on the table or tossing the issue up in the air to see where it lands. Something will happen after an ultimatum, although usually it is something negative.

If you ever need an issue to be forced, then issuing an ultimatum will certainly do that. But, you have to be prepared for the consequences. In marriage, ultimatums should be avoided. In a marriage, ultimatums can be a dangerous thing. Healthy and happy marriages don’t need ultimatums. It is more important to focus on building your lifelong communication with each other. When you have great communication with your spouse, then there is no need for ultimatums.

In closing… There is sometimes much pain in a place where there is also much joy? A loving relationship is the most awesome experience in the world. This is why it also holds the potential for so much sadness. There are so many things that can go wrong. People are complex and love develops in good times and bad times, in sickness and in health, in better times and worse times through a commitment of “Till death due us part.”

 

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Comments
  1. ldipascal says:

    Ed, thank you for today¹s podcast. It came at just the right time. 🙂

    Leah P.S. You have a great radio voice!

    From: me and I Am’s Blog Reply-To: me and I Am’s Blog Date: Friday, November 14, 2014 at 5:17 AM To: LEAH DIPASCAL Subject: [New post] AverageŠ When It Doesn¹t Work?

    WordPress.com meandiam posted: “PLEASE CLICK ON THE LINK BELOW TO LISTEN. Thank you for joining me today. i’m Dr. ed peterson and i’m the host of the me and I Am post and podcast. There is a difference between spending all your time together and being married? Once the knot wa”

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