A Phone Call –

Beloved child of the Most High, I call your spirit to attention in the name of the Lord of hosts, the name that was used by David when he was confronting the spiritual and physical attack of Goliath.  Gd designs, God plans, God intends to work through community, but from time to time the community is so broken, so far from the knowledge of God that they are unable to step up to do what God has called them to do.  This was the case in David’s day.  So from time to time throughout history God has raised up individual men and some who know the Lord of hosts, who know their God, who stand alone in their relationship with God.

David said to Goliath that God would give him Goliath’s head.  God has called you to be in that position at some time during your life.  David was a king to the community.  There were different communities in his life that he was connected to and drew life from.  But, there were those moments in his life when he stood alone, connected to the Lord of hosts, and he was to speak judgment and deliverance simultaneously to the people of God.

I bless you with a deepening knowledge of the Lord of hosts.  Young David learned from God how to walk as a man alone detached from the nation.  I bless you with knowing the Lord of hosts to that degree.  On those occasions you have to stand alone when the community of God has failed to step up as they should, I bless you to be like David.  I bless you to be someone who steps back into the community after he has walked in such an unusual position of authority.  you are to be in community, and to be apart from community, and to work through community as God decrees and in His times; but when the community has failed to step up, you must be confident, so certain of your relationship with the Lord of hosts that you can stand as one person, connected with the Lord of hosts, and speak judgment against His enemies in such a way as to make a public spectacle of the enemy.

We do not have books nor manuals for how to groom a person for such a position.  We do not have a method for teaching someone’s spirit to be so attuned to the Spirit of the Lord of hosts that they recognize the voice of the Captain of the Lord of hosts.  But, I bless you with being in a school that is unusual, that is unique.  I bless you with being int the school of the Lord of hosts as He nurtures you, grooms you, prepares you for that moment or those moments in your life when you stand on behalf of a community that has failed.  I bless you to restore order in the heavenlies because you know the Captain of the Lord of hosts.  I bless you, beloved child.  I bless you, mighty warrior.  I bless you, child of the Most High God, with fulfilling your destiny in community and out of community.  I bless you in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, amen.

This doesn’t mean that you stand alone physically, just that we all have to stand alone in our relationship with God and our mandates.
We are together with others that God has sent here “As One” with the Father in this.

While this was a phone call to me and a word for me i sense that it is for others ass well especially in light of 1 Peter 5:8,9 which says “ed you’re not the only one plunged into these hard times. It’s the same with Christians all over the world.

Not All or Nothing – All or Everything!

Amplified – Romans 11:36 For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. [For all things originate with Him and come from Him; all things live through Him, and all things center in and tend to consummate and to end in Him.] To Him be glory forever! Amen (so be it).

Living – Romans 11:36 For everything comes from him and exists by his power and is intended for his glory. All glory to him forever! Amen.

Message – Romans 11:36 Everything comes from him; Everything happens through him; Everything ends up in him. Always glory! Always praise! Yes. Yes. Yes.

King James – Romans 11:36 For of him, and through him, and to him, are all things: to whom be glory for ever. Amen.

There it is… no matter what translation i use it says the same to me. Yet there is a mystery about these words First i have said many times if the word all or everything were not in these words i could understand and believe this much easier. Of course because then i could determine what is or is not coming from and through God. i could also determine what the ends of things are, whether God or circumstance. The new movie Adjustment Bureau makes room for circumstances. i on the other hand do not and can not. Part of being an all or nothing guy i guess.

i must include verse 33 when thinking on these words and looking for understanding and application of them in my daily life.

Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unfathomable (inscrutable, unsearchable) are His judgments (His decisions)! And how untraceable (mysterious, undiscoverable) are His ways (His methods, His paths)! Being intentional about verse 36 must not only consider but comprehend as much as i am able to verse 33. i have spent much time on 36 and none on 33, not because i have not read it but because 36 is easier to remember and quote and honestly 33 is a given for me while 36 is work. i can live 33 without 36 in principle. i can not live 36 without 33 on those same principles. 33 does not ruffle my feathers until i connect it to 36. Perhaps i could just end Romans 11 at verse 33?

This idea of all things originating with Him and coming from Him; all things living through Him, and all things centering in and tending to consummate and to ending in Him changes my entire thought process. Now add in 2 Timothy 3:16-17, “All  (another all for the all or nothing guy) Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.”

So i have been looking and looking for something that would release me from Romans 11:36 but it appears as though i am receiving a good dose of teaching, rebuking, correcting,and training in righteousness for the purpose of being thoroughly equipped for every good work. Thoroughly is another word that stirs me like james and his words patience and letting it have its perfect work. Thoroughly says to me that there is a less than thorough work which i can settle for and thus could probably not have to deal with the all or everything words.

Reality i am an all or nothing guy. my time during this season is better spent doing as i was instructed to do yesterday. Keep a cool head, stay alert, keep up my guard, and keep a firm grip on “THE” faith. Knowing that Everything comes from him; Everything happens through him; Everything ends up in him. Also i am to let patience have its perfect work so that i will be complete and lacking in nothing.

There are a few who do not find my interpretation nor application of Romans 11:36, and to that i say GOOD for you! my only task is to stir people to find their own answers and in that i know that each of these who do not agree have done their own thorough investigation and come to their own conclusion. YES!!! For me these words are more experiential than explainable.

Conclusions – Here’s The Thing!

Here’s the thing… i chose to reevaluate my conclusions to see if i might want to live life somewhere between nothing and all. God comes along and allows me to be placed into circumstances that require every one of my conclusions. That’s why He allowed the circumstances to come. It’s as if he was saying, “ed, enough of these games, I need you in position so that My Glory will be seen. And that’s all He says. No details, no, who will see His Glory, no, what is the plan, or what does this look like? Oh i take that back as He did show me 1 Peter 5:8 [ He Gets the Last Word ] Keep a cool head. Stay alert. Keep a cool head and stay alert! This is my part? The Devil is poised to pounce, and would like nothing better than to catch you napping. Keep your guard up. REPEAT, as if to say if you didn’t understand the first time let Me say it again! You’re not the only ones plunged into these hard times. It’s the same with Christians all over the world. Is that supposed to bring comfort or just information for the record? So keep a firm grip on the faith. And one more time with a little more detail. Keep a firm grip on not my faith but THE FAITH! The suffering won’t last forever.  Now a little encouragement and comfort. It won’t be long before this generous God who has great plans for you in Christ—eternal and glorious plans they are!—will have you put together and on your feet for good. He gets the last word; yes, He does.

If i do it i get it… if i don’t i won’t?

Or is it, Keep a cool head. Stay alert. It starts with God. The Devil is poised to pounce, and would like nothing better than to catch you napping. It goes through God. Keep your guard up. You’re not the only ones plunged into these hard times. It’s the same with Christians all over the world. So keep a firm grip on the faith. The suffering won’t last forever. A reminder that this is God from beginning to end. It won’t be long before this generous God who has great plans for us in Christ—eternal and glorious plans they are!—will have you put together and on your feet for good. He gets the last word; yes, he does. IT ENDS IN GOD!

What does that look like? No clue, just that it ends in God! IF (and this is as i read it) IF i keep a firm grip on “THE” faith which seems to look like me keeping a cool head, staying alert, and keeping up my guard. For me it also means shutting my mouth so that my words do not interfere in any way.

Here’s my situation. i am learning to live in the paradox (any person, thing, or situation exhibiting an apparently contradictory nature) of God; To know that He is consistent, but He is also unpredictable. He’s consistent in His nature, i always know where i am with God, but i seldom know what He’s gonna do next. i… seldom… know… what He is going to do next and that’s what i am working on being okay with.  Romans 11:36 is the path and light for me on this journey.

i am intentionally pursuing being completely reliant on Your character and integrity which is the source of my great peace.  i rest in Your nature. You’re the most consistent person i have ever dealt with. You never change. Everything comes down to me from You in whom there is no variation or shadow of turning.

Conclusions – Now What?

i guess i have no choice but to abandon my conclusion considerations. Here’s is why. My circumstances, my trials and or tribulations right now require me to be just the way i am. It is no time for a less than ed. i have not posted at all this week as i have still been in consideration process but today it ends. i am not saying that i have found the answer nor am i any less annoyed with myself. But this moment requires me to “Be.” i either accept the current circumstances or i stand on the word regarding them and watch as God changes them.

This is what i got today. 1 Peter 5:8 [ He Gets the Last Word ] ed keep a cool head. Stay alert. The Devil is poised to pounce, and would like nothing better than to catch you napping. Keep your guard up. You’re not the only one plunged into these hard times. It’s the same with Christians all over the world. So keep a firm grip on the faith. The suffering won’t last forever. It won’t be long before this generous God who has great plans for you in Christ—eternal and glorious plans they are!—will have you put together and on your feet for good. He gets the last word; yes, he does.

To go along with that info there have been several who have asked if they could pray for me, most not knowing anything about my posts and the trial i am engaged in. Every one of them started their prayer with some words to the effect that i would be, who i was made to be, before i was in my mother’s womb. That this is a new day and a new level of me would be required (as if that was going to make my heart go pitter patter). More required and i already feel challenged.

i also started listening to a cd at Ann Marie’s request and wouldn’t you know it is was about self-awareness and being all that God meant for me to be. Now i’m listening to the whole 7 cd series. There goes the idea of no new teaching or studies and just living off the fat of the land. 

So with all this being said, i remain… with this word to close out this post. “ed a human keeps brainstorming options and plans, but God’s purpose prevails.” Proverbs 19:21

Conclusions – Selah…

i have been asked by several to reconsider my examination of the conclusions. i will Selah – pause and think on this – for the weekend at their request.

Conclusions – Corrected Title – Perhaps More Then i WANT To Bear?

As i said all or nothing… even as i say it i see problems written all over the idea of that. Yet i also see much that i think would be lacking in me without that idea. Compromise everything for the greater good of the people. No right no wrong. No absolutes. No is. Give what is wanted versus what is needed. Etc. Etc.

Another example of all or nothing for me comes from Romans 11:36 For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. [For all things originate with Him and come from Him; all things live through Him, and all things center in and tend to consummate and to end in Him.] To Him be glory forever! Amen (so be it). This single verse is life changing for an all or nothing person. i can not selectively apply it, i must apply it across the board. If the word all was most or some it would be far easier for me. I believe the first verse of this Psalm 127:1 goes along with this idea and is a powerful statement on who’s ultimately in control: “If the Lord doesn’t build the house, the builders are working for nothing.” We have free will, but if our choices don’t line up with God’s will for our life, it will ultimately fail. The Lord won’t anoint, bless, or uphold anything we’ve done by our own power that’s outside His will for us. He will only uphold what He designs.

After considering yesterdays conclusions i have decided that, while it may be difficult and even a battle i may be able to get by without these three conclusions.

i have concluded that teaching the Word without demonstrating it is not enough for me. Good teaching, good doctrine and being a good person is not enough for me.

While the truth is it’s not enough for me i could simple eliminate it out of my life. i would read no more books, listen to no more cd’s, watch no more video’s or television programs, and join the 3% who only look at their bible once a week. i mean i have so much knowledge that i have not applied or began to understand that it would last me a life time.

i have concluded that good fellowship and even friendship is not enough for me.

Okay so i would have to be willing to redefine my conversations. i would have to be willing to settle for everyday life conversations. Sports, finances, aches and pains and whatever would become… not important but the norm. i’d have to join the people who ask others how they are and then keep right on walking never getting an answer. And loving people, well i’d have to work hard on just telling everybody that i love them and give no thought to what that means. Yes, may not be bad… less obligation to them.

i have concluded that good Bible studies, good small groups and good discussions are not enough for me.

These would not be the norm as my discussions would be about my job, my car, sports, new houses, etc. etc. My time would be in watching television so that i could discuss last nights episode of whatever.i’d also have to watch, listen and read the news so as to be current and let’s not forget sports and staying up with teams, players and standings. These would become interests and not commitments. If they are convenient then perhaps?

So three non-negotiable conclusions were just put on the chopping block as possibly being negotiable. What’s that look like for me? Huge change! Can you teach an old dog new tricks? If these become extinct as negotiable will i have to notify everyone or do i just begin my conversations with anything but the word. Oh, i can go back to giving advise verses the word.

And this is conclusion number four.

i have concluded that just making it to heaven is not my goal, and that knowing about God without truly knowing and experiencing God is meaningless for me.

Well…. making it to heaven is not a bad thing so as long as i’ll make it there i could possibly put this one on the chopping block as well. i am not proposing becoming a heathen so it would still be my plan to have an interest in truly knowing God, it just wouldn’t be my driving purpose, so it would have to fit into my life, no deep comittment.

Focusing on the sweet by and by seems like it would be easier than this wrecked for anything else idea that i’m in now.

Conclusions – Perhaps More Than I Can Bear?

So i am a guy who is all or nothing. That is to my benefit or can be to my detriment. i also have very high expectations for myself which i guess spill over toward others. Currently these two character traits seems to be causing me some… annoyance. (As a side not i am sitting here with many conversations going on around me and as i paused, at the word some… one man said, “annoyance.) High expectations for myself sometimes work but more recently seem not to work. And when they spill over to others… well that hardly ever works for them or for me.

i like things to be outlined for me so that i can evaluate my own life, yet i love moving freely in the spirit. i know it’s a contradiction. It seems that i want it how i want it depending on the moment. Organized, detailed, written, accountable in this instance yet free, spirit led, spontaneous, instant in season and out for the next.

Example: The word says that it is impossible to please God without faith. me, this self-taught doer of the word takes it and immediately finds a way to apply it. i do not consider who that was being spoken to or the circumstances in which the words were spoken. It’s in the word and thus it is my task to be and do it. Thus everything in my life must have an element of faith. Not out of form and function but because i want to please God. This is how it works for the entire word. i believe that every word is an opportunity for me to draw close to God and for me to know how to keep my life in accordance with His will and desire. It may not make sense to anyone else but it is where i find myself at age 59 and having purposed or intentionally lived this for at least 30 years. i will spare myself recalling the struggles of this lifestyle choice. i will say that being self taught means that i sometimes get it right and i have gotten it wrong as well. Experience though for the most part has served me well.

Ann Marie recently shared some things from her heart regarding me, i told her that my annoyance was not the things she thought… it’s me. i am annoyed with me. So i decided to take a look at me, and i know this may sound redundant in light of this entire blog since i started it. i have this unquenchable urge to fix me or improve me so i am constantly evaluating me. On one hand i know who i am in Christ but i also know who i could be in Christ. The difference annoys me.

Just what do i believe, what might be negotiable and what is non-negotiable. What am i committed to and willing to go to battle for? What am i interested in if it’s convenient? Deciding to be a man of God i have come to some conclusions about my walk. i hope that i am not alone in these conclusions. The words that follow are born of the Spirit over a period of 50 years. Perhaps they have become my baggage. Then perhaps my baggage has become to heavy for me to bear. So with spring upon us maybe i need to get rid of some things. It’s not that they are bad. They are all in good condition and actually have served me well but i am not sure i can keep them up. It’s like cable tv, i do not have it and have not had it for years. If you had told me prior to getting rid of it that i could live without it, i would have argued the point. Now i just live without it. So can i live without some of my conclusions. Can i live a scaled down life. Why not? It seems to work for others and that’s not a judgement it is from the confessions of people who tell me that God directed them to do something and they choose not to and they still live on for another day.What would i look  like in a scaled back belief system? Hummmmmmm?

John Maxwell says make your decisions early and then all you have to do is manage them. i made decisions about who i am and what i believe and committed to them long ago… but i’m not so sure today that i am doing a very good job at managing them. Perhaps it’s because of my beliefs that i feel so alone. This process may take a few days.

The context of these conclusion words resonate within my spirit. They are not a reaction to anything other than the place where my heart is today. They are not meant as criticism of church or ministry. They are not meant as a platform to speak out against any individual. These conclusions are solely for the purpose of presenting the battle i am engaged in as part of, ONE BODY IN UNITY and ONE BRIDE. i am looking at each conclusion with careful eyes and asking can i live without this? i am identifying what is negotiable and what is not negotiable. This is what i would tell anyone else to do who would come to me in this place.

i have concluded that teaching the Word without demonstrating it is not enough for me. Good teaching, good doctrine and being a good person is not enough for me.

          It used to be that i loved to teach now not so much. i went through a spell where i didn’t want to teach for myself but i wanted to teach a group who wanted to apply (however that looked for them) the word that i was teaching. i then saw that Jesus taught many more than i and He did so because He loved them not because He knew they would all do what He taught.

i have concluded that good fellowship and even friendship is not enough for me.

          Don’t get me wrong i like to fellowship especially when the word is included. As for friends, well that’s a topic all in itself. Friends to me      means that another person has unconditional access to everything i have, even at great cost to me and my family although for me friends at this level are both mine and Ann Maries. i have said before that i can find many to have fellowship and fun with but few to just sit in silence with.

i have concluded that good Bible studies, good small groups and good discussions are not enough for me.

          As i said above i enjoy all these things but they do not sustain me. The format of these in most circles, i am just not interested in and that does not say that they are wrong. And to be honest the people i would do them with makes a world of difference. A small group because that’s how the church says they do things does not cut it for me. The leader… does he know how to lead and what to lead other than what’s on the written page?

Well that’s the first of many and i’ll reserve determining and labeling what is negotiable or non-negotiable for later on. If i may, i’d like to say that i am not a spiritual snob who thinks i have it all together or right and i do not think i am judgemental although it sure sounds like it. If i am then i work very hard to keep it to myself and allow each and every person to live out their intimate relationship with God as they are led. i only come into contradiction when someone asks me for my take or interpretation of something, and no matter how hard i try to say that this is for me and not for everyone else it always gets taken as i’m judging or telling them that they are wrong. The other way i end up in trouble is when people come to me and say that others are offended by me only wanting to speak and live the word. Oh just one dollar for every time that has happened.