Archive for the ‘Hurt…’ Category

Hurt… Again!

Posted: September 26, 2014 in Hurt...
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Welcome to me and I AM. i’m your host Dr. Ed Peterson and i’m so glad you have returned for the conclusion of this short but meaningful series.

Several years ago i felt God say to me “ed, it’s time for you to enjoy my people.” It’s true, for years i endured people, i lived a life shaped by the hurt they caused me to feel in the past. Since then i have or so i though i have been looking at relationships without judgments, without pre-qualifiers, as divine appointments from God. To some degree that’s true but on the other hand, i shared yesterday my definition of relationships, defining the terms and guarding myself from further hurts from those that i don’t deem “worthy” of my suffering. Nice going ed!

hurtingIf i were given the choice to do it all over again, i most certainly would. i would experience every one my hurts all over again. Why? Because every one of them added value to my life long before they hurt me. The value added, far out weighs the hurt. The value added has molded and shaped my life, not the hurts. When i think of them, it’s with fondness and not the pain of the hurt. What i would give to have those relationship back again. To laugh together, to share together, to do life together.

These posts are a little out of character for me. i have not referred to a lot of the Word to make my point. The reason is simply this, i read and looked for verses to drop in but nothing clicked, until now. John 3:16 “God so greatly loved and dearly prized the world that He [even] gave up His only begotten (unique) Son, so that whoever believes in (trusts in, clings to, relies on) Him shall not perish (come to destruction, be lost) but have eternal (everlasting) life.

That’s RELATIONSHIP! Read it again… God so greatly loved and dearly prized ed that He [even] gave up His only begotten (unique) Son, so that ed who believes in (trusts in, clings to, relies on) Him shall not perish (come to destruction, be lost) but have eternal (everlasting) life.

So if that’s true what does He do when i don’t trust, cling to or rely on Him? Nothing changes! That’s right, He so loved that He gave, He can’t take back His Son, He can’t erase the cross and resurrection. He so LOVED… was so complete, so final, that it could not be reversed if He, God wanted to.

i know little about that kind of love as it’s greater than any words, feelings, emotions than i am aware of. i mean, i would never give up one of my children for “anyone” else. That is beyond my comprehension.

i do better understand at least the concept of God’s promise that “He will never leave me nor forsake me.” If i had a nickel for every relationship where one or the other person gave up, i’d be a multi-millionaire.

Jesus meets the woman at the well and spends the day with her. Thousands of people on the earth and Jesus selects just 12 disciples. Was He being selective about His relationships? It would seem so initially. But… i think i would be wrong. John 3:17 says, “For God did not send the Son into the world in order to judge (to reject, to condemn, to pass sentence on) the world, but that the world might find salvation and be made safe and sound through Him.” i may spend more time with some of my relationships, but time must not the determining factor for my willingness to love them…deeply, to count them “worthy” of my willingness to suffer for them. If in the few minutes i stand before the grocery clerk i do not engage, it becomes a missed opportunity. Now am i willing to love so much that i’d give my only son for them? i’m sorry to say probably not. i don’t understand that degree of love therefore i can’t give what i don’t posses. On the other hand i do respect the example set for me, by God, to at least engage in the moment and make it count as a divine appointment, set by God. i know someone is thinking, ed your just buying groceries. Yes that’s true, but it’s more than that. It has to be… or life is very mundane and worth far less than i perceive and what God illustrated so vividly.

my relationships and hurts with people aren’t cake, ice cream, party balloons and presents. Relationships… people… come with possibilities of hurt. But ultimately what is a horrible experience can be found to contain a life time of experience that will serve me well. God counts me “worthy” and is willing to suffer hurt by me.

i would be remiss if i didn’t make mention of the flip side of this. i as a human being bring to the table the possibilities of hurting someone as well. i am more aware of that in my relationship than i am the reverse.

 Here’s my closing summary, people who really care won’t hurt you, but if they do, you’ll see it in their eyes, because they’ll be hurting to. And what about those who do not care? God so loved that He gave… not judging, rejecting, condemning, and not passing sentence, for the purpose that they too might find Him.

Welcome to me and I AM. i’m your host Dr. Ed Peterson and i’m so glad you have returned and again entrusted me with a few minutes of your time.

Until now, i thought that i hadn’t, nor would i ever, choose to be hurt. But in a way i have.

hurtingThe hurts i shared yesterday were like nuclear bombs, they came out of nowhere, leaving a trail of destruction surrounding my life… so i thought.

Webster’s defines hurt this way, “to effect adversely,” “one who has been offended or is suffering in mind.” Come on Webster’s you can do better than that! Hurt isn’t a suffering in my mind. The very core of my being, my heart, isn’t just adversely affected, it’s devastated… so i think and feel at the time. my hurts often made me feel like i just wanted to die and these hurts didn’t last for moments, they carried on for days, weeks, months and some for years.

But here’s what i want to share about today. i am going to experience even more hurt “but i can choose who i’ll get hurt by.” i don’t mean that to sound as simple as it does because it’s not. Hurt is never simple and neither is choosing who i will get hurt by. Let me see if i can explain.

In almost every one of my hurts, i made a choice to have those people in my life.

There are two basic types of relationships for me. There are those that are wide, meaning that they are casual, distant, guarded, some long-term, some not so much. With that in mind i believe that every one of them is still a divine appointment for one reason or another but they are… let’s say lite. They may or may not end up in my second category which is deep relationships. Deep relationships are those that i determine are worth suffering hurt for. Now… i never thought of it that way before but when the hurt comes there also comes a decision which requires me to decide, am i going to walk away or am i willing to… resist, to fight, to suffer the hurt for this relationship. i don’t feel like i am explaining this very well because if i truly believe that every relationship, every meeting, every brief moment of interaction with another person is meaningful… then there are or should not be any separation? Non the less at this time there are people who i am just closer to, deeper in relationship with. i can’t seem to find the words to satisfy my thoughts.

Jesus selected twelve disciples yet he died for the entire human race. That’s where i’m struggling, i’m defining my depth of relationships and Jesus made the common man an everybody when it came to giving up His life. Obviously i’m not there but… i am moving in the right direction. One of the hurts i shared yesterday was about coming to work one day and finding all our belongings being loaded into a U-Haul truck, thus leaving both Ann Marie and i jobless and more specifically without any source of income. All done by a friend, a deep relationship of 20 some years. Today that person is in prison and yet each month we are able to send a small gift and i am able to share these posts with him every day. We communicate whenever we desire to on any subject that comes to mind. Regardless of what was done or i felt was done we are fighting for relationship. Will it ever be what it was? Only time and both our hearts will tell. Now, i don’t use that example as being the worst hurt i’ve experienced. No for me the worst hurt was the one happening at the moment.

I’m not sure that a deep relationship can exist without the careful consideration that there is potential for a less than perfect outcome, without the risk of hurt. In fact the same may be true for any relationship, any interaction, with any person, regardless of the amount of time or my definitions. i mean how long does it take to be hurt?

i am being as honest and vulnerable as i can here… and yes, i’m still struggling. i started to share this material as though i knew something about it, as though i had found an answer as though i could share some insights to help others with their hurts and now that feels so illusive.

Please… i’m asking for you to come back tomorrow as i bring this to a conclusion and hopefully share something that will be of value, something that will help you………. no i can’t go there, just come and read about what i get out of tomorrow’s post. i can’t promise you anything other than, i’ll share honestly, openly and God will do the rest.

 

 

 

Welcome to me and I AM. i’m your host Dr. Ed Peterson and i’m so glad you have entrusted me with a few minutes of your time.

hurtsEver experience the hurt illustrated in this picture? Have you ever been hurt to this degree? i have!

During my childhood i would hurt when my father would come home drunk and there would be a blow up between him and my mother in the middle of the night. i wish this would stop. i don’t want it any more!

i recalled the hurt of finding my mother lying on the bathroom floor with blood around her after cutting her wrists in a failed suicide attempt. i hurt because i felt that she wanted to leave me, that she didn’t love me anymore. What did i do?  i don’t want it any more!

i remember when my brothers broke into my house and robbed us after a failed attempt to help them get back on their feet. We’re family.  i don’t want it any more!

i often think of the person who decided to never speak to us again after 20 years of friendship because when their husband asked for a divorce we remained in contact with him. i miss you, please, let’s talk. i don’t want it any more!

i remember the pain of coming to work one day and all our belongings were being loaded into a U-Haul, because we had been fired from a job with a friend of over 20 years. i trusted you. i don’t want it any more!

It’s like it was yesterday that i can hear the words of our co-pastor, one of my only best friends attempt to destroy us as we had decided to leave the church. As we sat there he told us that he had to do what he was doing because we were a cancer to him and that within the four walls of his church, he held the scepter, so he had to destroy us. You were like a brother. i don’t want it any more!

i remember the hurt when my one and only true love, my wife, my best friend now of 42 years but then after just two years of marriage telling me in a note that she never really loved me and was going back home. i thought we were soul mates.  i don’t want it any more!Tears

Then there was hearing one of my children tell me that they hated me and just as clear, i hear the words of them letting me know that in one way or another that i disappointed them. But i tried so hard. i don’t want it any more!

I have repeated the words of another pastor over and over, even to him how he told me i was to old to fill a position that was open in the church and that was after sharing with him that i was sent to the church for him. I’m too old? Now what? i don’t want it any more!

Then there was the time when we returned from a trip to St Maartin in which we had taken some families, some friends with us and had pretty much covered the cost but they shared with us that we did so for the purpose of counseling them and not out of friendship. That’s not true. i don’t want it any more!

And there was the pastor who promised both Ann Marie and i that there would be a position with him for the rest of our lives, that we were called to serve together, which we did for years with no or little salary but then were discarded with what seemed to be not one ounce of thought, respect or care. You promised. i don’t want it any more!

And let’s not forget God… yes, i have felt hurt by God which is another whole story for another time. Not You too. i don’t want it any more!

You’re thinking, my goodness ed, that’s a lot of hurts! Yes, it sure is and these are just a few. But these hurts are not the real subject of this two or three part series. i just wanted readers to know that i have experience with being hurt and feeling like “i don’t want it any more.”. Tomorrow we’ll look deeper into what to do when hurt becomes a reality, when it smacks you in the face, when it seems to be unbearable, when you think you just want to die

Here’s what i think i know, i am going to get hurt in life… but, believe it or not… i can choose who i’ll get hurt by. Secondly the key is to not get stuck in the emotions of past hurts but to be able to grieve and then to move on, coming away with a life lesson or two.