Archive for the ‘No Way! Yes Way!’ Category

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i announced that i was ready by saying, “ring, ring, ring” and in less than three minutes my call was over. i breathed a partial sigh of relief, accepted the good response from the class and trainers despite the fact that it wasn’t perfect. UGHHH! Seems anti-climatic right? Not for me. From the start this story has an element of funniness, but i sensed that it was more serious. As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh!

Despite ending the call it took about forty-five minutes before my hand stopped shaking and two hours before my heart stopped pounding. Oh… my… goodness… that was a first! Brief assessment. For my entire life i have gone into every situation KNOWING that i could add value immediately to whatever it was. In this situation, i have no value to add. i know nothing about the medical field nor working in a call center. In my class, 18 out of the 28 have a minimum of 5 years experience and more than half of those, have 10 years or more experience. i am not going to stand out! At least not as one of the best. i did decide from day one that i would wear a dress shirt and tie every day.

stressSo why? Why such… angst? Stress, anxiety. self-doubt, fear? Nope! i didn’t want to look foolish in front of this room filled with strangers and trainers. How does a guy who’s favorite verse is Philippians 2:13 “[Not in ed’s own strength] for it is God Who is all the while effectually at work in ed [energizing and creating in ed the power and desire], both to will and to work for His good pleasure and satisfaction and delight” get into this mess? Simple, eyes off God, eyes on self. Mind set on the gifts and not the giver of the gifts.

Being over-confident in myself, and not liking the idea of having it challenged made this all about me, all about now. Webster’s uses different wording, “pride is a feeling or deep pleasure or satisfaction derived from one’s own achievements, the achievements of those with whom one is closely associated, or from qualities or possessions that are widely admired.”

In James 4:6 and 1 Peter 5:5: it says, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” my pride put me in the unbearable position of having to choose between “ed, you can do this because you can do all things through Me” and ed, you’re going to look foolish, your too old, you’re not smart enough.” Paul writes, in Romans 12:3, “I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think” i was choosing a well dressed lie over the truth.

Pride shows up in many ways. i think i deserve more money. i think i deserve more respect, i’ve paid my dues. i can’t say, “i used to be proud, those days are over!” That in itself would be pride. In the book Humility , C. J. Mahaney describes himself as “a proud man pursuing humility by the grace of God.” As a disciple of Christ, i venture in the direction of humility, by the grace of God. The question is not, “Have i arrived?” but rather, “Am i even trying?”

Pride is like a mother who is pregnant. It eventually give birth. In pride, Satan rebelled against God because he desired to be God. In pride, Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit because they wanted to be like God. In pride, i reject God’s wisdom, will, and Word because i think i know better. All sin comes out of pride—and all virtue, all holiness, and all glory to God are birthed out of humility. Humility considers every decision by asking, “Who gets the glory?”

my war against pride is not being fought by focusing on my humility—but rather, my relationship with God. Humility is not the absence of pride. Humility is the presence God.

[Jesus] did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. Philippians 2:6–11

i almost forgot, as for adding value, well God pointed out my added value and made it clear that it’s not that no one else was adding this value as well. my added value is prayer… prayer over every phone call i make to every doctor, whom will be explaining these results to a person who is receiving health test results. Go figure… eight years of being in a prayer center. It’s never going to be noticed like being the fastest or best but that’s okay. i have no clue as to if there will be any results but, that’s okay. Seriously! i am just now understanding why God began teaching me over nine months ago about being willing to be a “simple” creation of God. No fame, no glory, no fan fare, no pats on the back, no recognition, nothing but “being still and knowing, that He is God.”

 

 

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Welcome to me and I AM. i’m your host for today and i’m glad you have decided to join me as i share about one of the worst experiences i have ever gone through. Sure… now that it’s over i have found value in it but… well you’ll see as you read on.

Recently i started a new job. First it’s in a call center and i’m not a phone person. Second it’s for a health company and i’m the person who changes the conversation when everyone is discussing their aches, pains and irregularities. Thirdly i haven’t had to punch a time clock in a nine to five position for… let’s just say in years. So, out of my comfort zone, absolutely!. None the less it’s the job i selected and it’s not a bad job especially on Friday when i got my first pay-check… when i expected to get it. The past eight years were always a guessing game as to when and even if i would get paid.

stressedWe started doing role-playing with making calls after a week of classroom cramming regarding medical terms as well as policies and procedures. Learning from a classroom has never been my strong point so i was a little apprehensive. So… i kept my mouth shut and sat low in my seat so that i wouldn’t be seen or called on. It worked! i escaped that day but only to face the same thing the next day.

i felt like i could do this but none the less i wanted no part of role-playing. For anyone who knows me this is so out of character for me. i have done live television, live radio, lead worship on a stage in front of thousands without a moment of hesitation. i’ve created businesses that i knew nothing about, again never giving thought to whether i knew what i was doing or if i could dt.

The next day came and went and i once again escaped my dreaded fate of having to role play. There was a struggle and it was gaining momentum. One side asking me “why, why are you so uneasy about this, you can do this.” The other side telling me “your going to make mistakes, you may not be able to do this job.” The next morning while driving to work i decided that this was going to end, that i was going to prove to myself that i could do it and like always i would do it well. i remember thinking, “i’ll show everyone, i can do this,” as though anyone other than myself was saying i couldn’t.

Class begins, “anyone want to volunteer to go first today?” I thought, “okay God i never doubted you heard me.” It’s time to get this done. BUT… as much as i wanted, my hand just would not go up. i sat there frozen. “ed raise your hand.” “i’m trying to.” “ed your going to look foolish, don’t do this.”  The battle still growing. No one jumped at the opportunity, “Who wants to do this?” my hand, is still not able to go up. In all the commotion , i found the strength to stand up and walked back to where the computer awaited me. Several of my co-workers cheered me on as i made my way back, which by the way, they had not done this either but were more than willing for me to do it.

Sitting at the computer i began doing my set up. i actually surprised myself  as i recalled the info from the weeks cramming sessions. “Are you ready” came from the front of the class? “Not yet.” She told me to take my time and let her know when i was. As i was just about to announce that i was ready i looked up at the two gigantic screens at the front of the class. i noticed that the cursor on the screen was sort of flickering or vibrating. As i brought my eyes back down to the computer in front of me it was then that i saw it. The cursor was moving because my hand was shaking. Yes the cursor was responding to my shaking hand. Startled, i immediately let go of the mouse and kind of shook my hand and arm trying to end the unwilling movement. With that i felt my heart pounding, fast and hard. i actually though i could hear it and maybe i did because the trainer next to me asked if i was okay. The only voice i was hearing now was the one that tried to tell me that i shouldn’t have done this, that i had chosen the wrong job and that i was going to look like a fool.

I’m so sorry, i thought i could do this in one post but it’s already longer than i like them to be so i’ll have to finish tomorrow. Please come back and hear the results of my……… terrifying experience and what value i have since found from it. By the way it’s okay if you got a laugh from my pain.