Posts Tagged ‘fear’

Does anyone else find themselves living in a state of busy. On Monday morning when i get to work i and my co-workers compare notes and horror stories about whose weekend was more busy. When someone asks me, “How are you?” i bombard them with my daily to-do list. i may answer with something like “Ohhhhhh MY goodness! I’m sooooo busy! Let me tell you how BUSY I am…” And i rattle off all of the places i have to be and things i have to do.

And… i do all of this with an air of disgust and dread instead of joy with the decisions i have chosen myself. Then the other person has to one-up my busy with their busy. No wonder energy drinks are a 40 billion dollar a year industry.

So what am i so busy doing? And do i think i’ll get a prize for how hard my life is? Do i really think i’ll find joy in being busy? Is my exhaustion a badge i wear with respect and honor? Or… is being busy a cover up for my lack of joy, my nagging lack of purpose and significance that all to often eats at me?

If a day of back to back activities, work, church and family functions is not my idea of how to spend my weekend, then why am i spending my weekend that way? I thought i was wise?

What’s this all for? Why?

Could the answer be… so i don’t have to feel.

Feel what?

Feel the urgency, the pain, the beauty, the joy, the fleeting moments and the passing years. Feel what we see in the news. Feel what’s going on with my family or the family down the street that i know who is battling cancer. Feel the effects of aging, my kids and grandkids growing.

Honestly i have moments when i’m fearful of missing moments with my children and grandchildren. So in a panic i create a 1,000 moments for the fear of sinking too deeply into just that one that will pass me by too quickly, reminding me of my humanness.

In my relationships i may be fearful of the silence and loneliness with another in which i am vulnerable and exposed, so i fill up my moments without any thought. i fill my calendar with gatherings and meetings, work and overtime work, food and more food, a touch of sports and shows, weekend get aways and vacations in sun shiny places.

Stillness can be telling. Silence can stir up the truth. Maybe i’m afraid to be still. Afraid of what i will hear if i brush aside the noise and instead pick a few beautiful, slow, still moments to witness in full depth, full glory.

Some are afraid of lacking worth so they spin around in circles distracting themselves and everyone around them, proving their worth futilely in their busy lives while real life is slipping right by them… unnoticed.  i do this when i should be waiting, being still enough, brave enough to have my soul stirred to it’s core.

So here’s a challenge. Try a different way. See what happens. Face the fear and feel life. Clear the calendar of the clutter and give yourself a chance to feel your way through the moments instead of cracking the whip on them.

See what happens. I dare you. I dare you to un-busy your life.

 

Today is the greatest day i’ve ever known because i will not give in to the struggles!

internal_struggles_by_valentin947-d4ojg9xDon’t confuse your path with your destination. Just because it’s stormy now doesn’t mean it won’t be sunny later. Let me say it another way, Do not confuse your circumstances with your day being the greatest you’ve ever known.

Strugglesto contend with an adversary or opposing force. Man webster’s got this definition absolutely right.

God designs every single day of mine to be the greatest day i will even know. Then the adversary or the opposing force comes to kill, steal and absolutely destroy that very same day. Struggles come in all shapes, sizes, colors and any time of the day or night.

Today being the greatest day of my life has nothing to do with my circumstances, my disappointments, my hurts, my fears or any of those types of things. Today being the greatest day of my life is dependent on one simple truth. God is God and i am not. i am turning my attention on Him and His heart and not my struggles or even His plans.

For every thing God has done or does the enemy comes up with a counterfeit. I wake up with great faith and trust in God but many days the enemy convinces me to fear. i am intentional about knowing who i am in Him and yet the enemy fills me with doubts about myself.

Ginny Owens taught me the true meaning of struggles and about Today being the greatest day i’ve ever known through her song “If You Want Me To.” This is where i live every day. Every word ministers to me overtime i hear it.

The pathway is broken and the signs are unclear. And I don’t know the reason why You brought me here. But just because You love me the way that You do. I’m gonna walk through the valley if You want me to

‘Cause I’m not who I was when I took my first step. And I’m clinging to the promise You’re not through with me yet. So if all of these trials bring me closer to You. Then I will go through the fire if You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen. When You lead me through a world that’s not my home. But You never said it would be easy. You only said I’d never go alone

So when the whole world turns against me and I’m all by myself. And I can’t hear You answer my cries for help. I’ll remember the suffering Your love put You through. And I will go through the darkness if You want me to

When I cross over Jordan, I’m gonna sing, gonna shout. I’m gonna look into Your eyes and see, You never let me down. So take me on the pathway that will lead me home to You. And I will walk through the valley if You want me to. Yes, I will walk through the valley if You want me to.

images-1i really felt that it was important to share just a small portion of her story as well as the song.

Owens was born in Jackson, Mississippi, with poor eyesight and has been blind since the age of two. She earned her bachelor of music education in 1997 from Belmont University, but found that most people were skeptical about hiring a blind music teacher. She entered the music business by writing songs for Michael Puryear’s Final Four Publishing, which led to a number of labels competing for her, before she chose Rocketown Records. She concentrated in singing and songwriting and began making CDs, and has been producing them since 1999 with Rocketown Records, a label under Michael W. Smith. Owens won the Nashville “Lilith Fair ’99 Talent Search”, which earned her a spot singing at that year’s festival, and the following year performed at the Sundance Film Festival.

Her music has been featured on television shows, such as Roswell and Felicity. Owens has also received three Dove awards, including New Artist of the Year (2000) and Inspirational Recorded Song of the Year (2001) for “Blessed” with Rachael Lampa and Cindy Morgan.

In 2005, Owens started a non-profit organization called the Fingerprint Initiative. The organization has worked in conjunction with other groups, such as Compassion International, International Justice Mission, and Habitat for Humanity. Owens was featured on national television, including NBC’s Today Show and CNN, for her contribution to help rebuild New Orleans following Hurricane Katrina.

In closing, i choose to present the greatest day God intends for me verses the perverted day that the adversary or opposing force would like me to buy into. No i’m not faking, i’m practicing!

“Ultimately we know deeply that the other side of every fear is freedom.” Marilyn Ferguson

2 Timothy 1:7 says, “For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control.”

UnknownThat being said, “Today” i will not accept fear!

Fear comes naturally to most people. When i was a child i developed a fear of getting into trouble. Then the first time i hurt someone’s feelings i learned to fear ever doing that again. Being a creative person i have always had a deep inner fear of creating something that nobody else thought was creative or even useful. Every once in a while a small but firm piece of fear tries to tell me that Ann Marie doesn’t really love me and is one day going to leave. As a parent there is a fear that you didn’t do all you could for your children that in the end it will come out that i failed them too often.

All of these fears can bring my life and dreams to a crashing halt. The only way to get rid of the fear is to realize the truth. The first truth is that God does not give me fear and in fact does not want me to fear. His desire for me is exactly what it says in 2 Timothy, that God promotes within me a spirit of power, love, calmness, a well-balanced mind, discipline and self-control. Seeing that as a destination i can now take a small step “Today” towards it.

“Today” i will not fear rejection. Instead i will embrace it as the price i am willing to pay for freedom. “Today” is the greatest day, i’ve ever known. Not because everyone accepts me but because i will not allow fear of being rejected to stop me from being who God intended for me to be.

Life lesson two is this. Mistakes happen, but that doesn’t mean they are failures, it just means i am supposed to learn something from them. Some of these life lesson will come easy. Others will take time and more than one attempt. Some will try to scare the day lights out of me. “Today” is the greatest day i’ve ever know because, i will decide to want it more than what i’m afraid of.

 

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In chapter 8 Katie continues to share her story of relentless love and redemption while i continue to be amazed by what God is revealing to me from the book titled Kisses From Katie.

imagesKatie takes a deep breath of the air that smells like what she can only describe as “Uganda” and let it fill her with the joy of being in the place God has called her. i had to wonder if i have ever been in such a place. Not Uganda but a place where the air filled me with the joy of being in God’s presence. my experiences with that have been limited to moments in times of worship but i desire to live in that place each and every day regardless of circumstances. With every breath joy and an overwhelming awareness that i am in God’s presence.

The second morning, Agnes looked at me and said, “There it is! It came back!” I asked her, groggily, “What came back?” With joy she could hardly contain , she replied, “That light that lives in your eyes!” I would imaging that being filled with the joy of being in the place where God has called would show in outward physical signs such as the eyes. What would it be like to have people see the presence of God on my life without speaking a word… to the point of saying “there it is! It came back!”

“In Uganda, as in all the nations of the earth, human beings are hungry for God; they long to live lives filled with purpose and love. They want to be able to support their families; they want to be able to work; they want to be able to give back and to be good, noble people. They want to feel important and needed and beautiful. Children want to play, eat, learn, and be loved. We are all the same. We do not live in different worlds; we live in the same world. People are people.” And this is where there is a great gap between Katie and i. It is a struggle for me to believe all of that about people. my experiences have led me to believe otherwise. i’m not saying that i’m right and she is wrong because Katie has much that i desire when it comes to God and relationships.

Katie says her life looks different than most because she made different choices than most. But making different choices didn’t make her superhuman. In fact, every day was filled with reminders, sometimes painful reminders, of her human emotions, human desires, and human limitations. That’s where i find myself in Chapter 8… filled with reminders. Not good reminders, not bad reminders but reminders of God’s grace with regards to my life.

images-1In closing Katie talks about how often, as human beings , we are crippled by our fears. We are afraid of change, of loss, of being hurt. We cling so tightly to what we have because we are afraid of what would happen if we didn’t have these things anymore.

Every day, i have a choice. i can stay safe and let fear cripple me. Or i can take a risk, do something to help someone, change someone’s world.

 

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Hello i’m dr. ed peterson the host of me and I Am. i will tell you ahead of time that today’s post feels very disjointed for me and i’ve rewritten it 5 times which by the way i never do. This has been difficult because while trying to share my personal experience i’m trying not to give away the story nor bore everyone. i’m finding it difficult to share this bundle of emotions, spiritual lessons, mental challenges, etc., etc. etc..

imagesMelissa my son’s wife had made a trip to Africa about the time they had met. Through the years they have often talked about going back as husband and wife. They also over the years have expressed their desire to possibly adopt a child. That possibility became more than that recently and they announced that they were going to start the long process of adopting a child from Africa and see what God would do. The short version of this is that after a few short months they not only found an agency that was willing to consider them but through a conversation in which they were asked, as a by the way, what were they looking for, revealed that there was possibly a three year old girl available. They had not even finished the paper work, taken the classes, jumped through the hoops, or put the finances in place. They had been told by everyone that it would be one to two years or more. But God! Things have moved very quickly and this little three year old girl is a very real possibility… enough so that the agency revealed her name and gave them a picture which they are not allowed to share at this time. Bt the way, the agency told them to pick a middle name for her and use that to refer to her as they are not allowed to use her name nor show her picture at this time. Papa will take this moment to reinforce his vote for Grace but i’m not holding my breath.

See how this ties in with the book? For me the book is not about the story of Katie… it’s much more. As i’ve said over and over it’s not a book to be read and then forget. Oh you may be able to do just that, but for me, well i’m on my third time through it and we have a small group of people who are going through it line by line and sharing how it is speaking to each of us individually.

images-1My first listen was all emotions. Every page, every chapter something would wreck me! My second listen was much more intent on hearing what i missed the first time through. Actually reading it is for highlighting. Multiple colors cover many of the pages from top to bottom.

During the second listen i received a paper from my son and wife. They told me that i needed to fill it out, get it notorized and send it back to them asap. What could be so important that i needed it notorized. The paper asked me if i would love this little girl as though she were my own. The question would have been simple but the importance placed on it by having to have it notorized meant that i couldn’t just say yes and send it off. This was more important than i had realized. God had just told me that i didn’t love people the way that Katie did and now i was being asked to put my name on a paper stating unconditionally that i would love this little girl… like Katie does.

For days the descriptions which Katie shared about the girls and their conditions raced through my mind. Prior to this it was easy to tell my children that it was a great idea and that they should go for it. They live in Reno Nevada and i live in Florida. We see each other about once a year. This is them, not me doing this, but of course i’ll support them. That’s when God revealed that everything He had revealed to me about my love had nothing to do with the past but everything to do with the present and the future.

images-3Will you love this little girl as though she were your own? my mind, will and emotions began putting my when, where, why and how into place and God said “Your mind, will and emotion have no place in this decision. Now what is your answer? Are you going to continue loving me, admiring me and worshipping me and not doing what i say?” As i listened to more and more of what God was saying through Katie and her book i began to realize more and more of what God wanted from me… and in spite of all my hesitations i wanted more of Him and what He was sharing with me.

Katie says she quit her life. i haven’t quit my whole life but i have begun to examine each piece of it more closely. While i was faced with the questions, the fears, of committing to loving this little girl which is still full of the unknown i realized that i am much more afraid of living life comfortably than i am of failing to surrender everything to God.

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Welcome to the me and I AM post and podcast. i’m your host Dr. ed peterson. Today we’re in Part 3 of our series, “When God Says “No”…?

paulWhile it may seem random there is always a purpose to when God says “No.” Paul said this about what he thought God’s purpose was for saying no. “And to keep me from being puffed up and too much elated by the exceeding greatness (preeminence) of these revelations, there was given me a thorn (a splinter) in the flesh, a messenger of Satan, to rack and buffet and harass me, to keep me from being excessively exalted. I’m not saying that’s the only reason. It’s just one of many. Each of us can and probably will experience a different reason.

So let’s look at lesson number one. i must not… i repeat i must not, let the presence of the storm, indicate the absence of God. i have and will continue to face storms: financial, emotional, health, relationships. But Isaiah 43:2 (AMP) promises, “ed, when you pass through the waters, I will be with you, and through the rivers, they will not overwhelm you. ed, when you walk through the fire, you will not be burned or scorched, nor will the flame kindle upon you.” i am not alone, despite what i feel!

Lesson number two. i must intentionally search for the light of God which can and will shine into the darkness of my pain, shine into my fear, my despair, my hopelessness, my loneliness, my emptiness, my times when God says no. “Am I not a God near at hand”—God’s Decree— “and not a God far off? Can anyone hide out in a corner where I can’t see him?” God’s Decree. “Am I not present everywhere, whether seen or unseen?” God’s Decree.

So what are my options, what am i to do when God says “no?” i can get self-help books… but there are times when self doesn’t cut it. my need is God. my need is His grace. Psalm 46 starts out, “God is ed’s Refuge and Strength [mighty and impenetrable to temptation], a very present and well-proved help in trouble.” If i let Him, God “exchanges, beauty for ashes” (Isaiah 61:3). And Ephesians 6:13 encourages by instructing me that “having done all, then stand.”

In the end it may all boil down to this. What is the will of God for my life? 1 Thessalonians 5:18 says, “In everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” The will of God for my life is to give thanks… “IN” everything, not for everything. Anyone can be thankful for good things and i can always find an excuse to be bitter. The enemy will try to push my buttons so that i lose my joy. Trust says, “God, You know what’s best for me.” and thus in a single word comes lesson number three. Trust…, Proverbs 3:5 (MSG) “Trust God from the bottom of your heart; but in these times when God says “No” my heart is often broken or at least hurting? To that God replies, don’t try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he’s the one who will keep you on track. Don’t assume that you know it all. Run to God!”

tight ropeThere’s a story i read about a daredevil who was about to walk a tightrope across Niagara Falls. He turned to the crowd and said, “Do you believe I can do this?” “YES” they screamed back. “To make it more difficult, I am going to push a wheelbarrow across with me. Do you still believe I can do it?” “YES” “OK, who wants to ride in the wheelbarrow? Silence.

God asks, “ed, do you trust me?” “YES” “To make it more difficult, I am going to allow situations to come into your life that will challenge you. Do you still trust me?” “YES” “OK, then will you rejoice in those situations?”

Thanks for joining me today. I hope you’ll come back for more on the topic of “When God Says “No.”

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Welcome to me and I AM. i’m your host for today and i’m glad you have decided to join me as i share about one of the worst experiences i have ever gone through. Sure… now that it’s over i have found value in it but… well you’ll see as you read on.

Recently i started a new job. First it’s in a call center and i’m not a phone person. Second it’s for a health company and i’m the person who changes the conversation when everyone is discussing their aches, pains and irregularities. Thirdly i haven’t had to punch a time clock in a nine to five position for… let’s just say in years. So, out of my comfort zone, absolutely!. None the less it’s the job i selected and it’s not a bad job especially on Friday when i got my first pay-check… when i expected to get it. The past eight years were always a guessing game as to when and even if i would get paid.

stressedWe started doing role-playing with making calls after a week of classroom cramming regarding medical terms as well as policies and procedures. Learning from a classroom has never been my strong point so i was a little apprehensive. So… i kept my mouth shut and sat low in my seat so that i wouldn’t be seen or called on. It worked! i escaped that day but only to face the same thing the next day.

i felt like i could do this but none the less i wanted no part of role-playing. For anyone who knows me this is so out of character for me. i have done live television, live radio, lead worship on a stage in front of thousands without a moment of hesitation. i’ve created businesses that i knew nothing about, again never giving thought to whether i knew what i was doing or if i could dt.

The next day came and went and i once again escaped my dreaded fate of having to role play. There was a struggle and it was gaining momentum. One side asking me “why, why are you so uneasy about this, you can do this.” The other side telling me “your going to make mistakes, you may not be able to do this job.” The next morning while driving to work i decided that this was going to end, that i was going to prove to myself that i could do it and like always i would do it well. i remember thinking, “i’ll show everyone, i can do this,” as though anyone other than myself was saying i couldn’t.

Class begins, “anyone want to volunteer to go first today?” I thought, “okay God i never doubted you heard me.” It’s time to get this done. BUT… as much as i wanted, my hand just would not go up. i sat there frozen. “ed raise your hand.” “i’m trying to.” “ed your going to look foolish, don’t do this.”  The battle still growing. No one jumped at the opportunity, “Who wants to do this?” my hand, is still not able to go up. In all the commotion , i found the strength to stand up and walked back to where the computer awaited me. Several of my co-workers cheered me on as i made my way back, which by the way, they had not done this either but were more than willing for me to do it.

Sitting at the computer i began doing my set up. i actually surprised myself  as i recalled the info from the weeks cramming sessions. “Are you ready” came from the front of the class? “Not yet.” She told me to take my time and let her know when i was. As i was just about to announce that i was ready i looked up at the two gigantic screens at the front of the class. i noticed that the cursor on the screen was sort of flickering or vibrating. As i brought my eyes back down to the computer in front of me it was then that i saw it. The cursor was moving because my hand was shaking. Yes the cursor was responding to my shaking hand. Startled, i immediately let go of the mouse and kind of shook my hand and arm trying to end the unwilling movement. With that i felt my heart pounding, fast and hard. i actually though i could hear it and maybe i did because the trainer next to me asked if i was okay. The only voice i was hearing now was the one that tried to tell me that i shouldn’t have done this, that i had chosen the wrong job and that i was going to look like a fool.

I’m so sorry, i thought i could do this in one post but it’s already longer than i like them to be so i’ll have to finish tomorrow. Please come back and hear the results of my……… terrifying experience and what value i have since found from it. By the way it’s okay if you got a laugh from my pain.

 

Please click on PLAYER or LINK to listen.

Let’s begin with a quote from John Piper. “My feelings are not God. God is God. My feelings do not define truth. God’s word defines truth. My feelings are echoes and responses to what my mind perceives. And sometimes – many times – my feelings are out of sync with the truth. When that happens – and it happens every day in some measure – I try not to bend the truth to justify my imperfect feelings, but rather, I plead with God: Purify my perceptions of your truth and transform my feelings so that they are in sync with the truth.”  John Piper

A few more thoughts on my foolishness which I shared about yesterday. It was not a matter of disobedience but it was in some way a matter of the heart. Regardless it must be changed. Here’s the ridiculous part of this. For two months I have been focusing on repositioning myself to be in the place where God can use me. Did you get that, the place where God could use me?

i’m finding that some people wear there looking foolish proudly, shirts, hats, coffee mugs, etc.. Not me, i’m not one to even wear logos of companies so posting my looking foolish moments is not enjoyable but is required. I do my best to not selectively post things. The goal is that you get exactly who i am without the filters.

CoffeJohn Maxwell says, “need to take success and failure concerning ourselves much less seriously and take God much more seriously.
We need to seed a risk taking mind-set. We need to constantly be planting seeds that will develop a mind-set that is willing to take risks.” And i’ll willing to look foolish.

Quite honestly I think that there is always risk of looking foolish involved when i stand at a cross roads. Those are dangerous times, but, that is no reason to be paralyzed with fear of looking foolish.

So why is it that in some cases i’m so image-conscious and afraid of what other people think while in others I could care less?

The question is not, “Will i ever look foolish?”  Of course i will. It’s unavoidable.  The question is, “What am I willing to look foolish for?”  Looking foolish because i’ve done something stupid, or i’ve gotten myself involved in something really doesn’t matter, is beneath me and a waste of my time.

So, is there something i want to do, something I need to do, a MUST do,  then i must dare to look foolish and embrace it. It’s said that the opportunities of a lifetime must be seized in the lifetime of the opportunity. There will be opportunity for struggling. Ann Marie and I have a new phrase we are using as we face the struggles, “we can’t go around it, we can’t ignore it, oh no, we must go through it.”  i have to sometimes risk looking foolish in order to hit the goal.

With regards to my looking foolish incident, how could I look any more foolish than I do now. The individual if for whatever reason wasn’t healed instantly would simply be in the same place as they are today. But what if they had? i’ll never know because that opportunity is in the past and while I didn’t look foolish then, I certainly do now.

Mark Batterson says, “Faith is the willingness to look foolish.” People in the world often look foolish in what they’re doing but they don’t care if it’s going to take them to a place of accomplishment, a place viewed as successful.

The founder of IBM Thomas Watson says: “The way to succeed is to double your failure rate.” That means double my opportunity to look foolish.

Thomas Edison said “There is only one good idea in 100 so I want to discover the 99 failures as quick as possible.” That means i will look foolish 99 out of 100 times.

Approximately 60% of all basketball shots made don’t go in. 25% of all batters make it to first base. In an oil company, only 10% of oil wells drilled hit oil. For actors, only 1 out of 30 auditions turns up in something that is of value. Nobody thinks they look foolish.

Here’s my “Take Away,” Do I view looking foolish as an opportunity for growth or as a personal indictment? And one last thing… which of the gingerbread people are you?

Please click on player or link to listen.

Someone has probably been thinking that i had no God time yesterday because i didn’t post. That would be incorrect, in fact i had an entire day of God and looking foolish. Can i just say that looking foolish comes in all shapes and sizes.

imagesCAR6PKKXYesterday I got up at my appointed time to get alone with God. Everything was going great until… Ann Marie comes into the room and asks me if we were supposed to do the once a month catering today. And of course we were and feeling foolish flooded my mind. In one hour we will have 50 to 60 people arrive at the campus which is 40 minutes away and… they will be expecting continental breakfast waiting for them and most importantly COFFEE!

Now for the next paragraph don’t hate, judge or presume! As I sprang to my feet and began to leave Ann Marie began asking what I was going to do. She asked if she should call someone to help and rattled of a couple of options. As for me, my mind wanted to remind me how foolish i look and how much more foolish i’ll look when those people arrive and the building is locked. i told her no, i’d take care of this but she could call someone to pick her up as i had to leave NOW! One foot out the door, she feels led to say, “what are you going to do, there is no coffee, no pastries, no anything because we didn’t shop yesterday… because, we were both busy but i didn’t check the calendar. Ann Marie please stop it! It was as polite as i could be at that moment. i’m now driving at an unmentionable speed especially for me as I don’t speed, well, i guess i do under the right circumstances, she calls again and i again asked her… no told her to stop it. Go to Youtube and watch Bob Newhart Stop It.

The usual 40 minute trip was 25 min and I arrived before anyone got there. Immediately  i borrowed coffee from one of the churches which is a no-no without permission so i guess i also break rules under the right circumstances. Coffee’s going, tables and chairs all set up and no one is there. During all this i am trying to figure out how i can own this but not look any more foolish than required. Somewhere in all this i told God, thanks but that i didn’t need anymore blog material, especially on my feeling foolish. Not having a clue at that moment as to what i would do for food i felt fairly certain that i was not going to get off easy. i was going to looking foolish.

The first person arrives and i put my explanation to the test. She responds, those things happen in business, what can I do to help? my mind instantly went to the Dunkin Donuts just down the street and she offers to go get whatever i need. Randomly i said 6 dozen would take care of it. Later i found out that 6 dozed is a lot of donuts!

The second person arrives and i share my foolishness with her, she asks what can I do to help? She puts the table cloths on all the tables and now it looks as though nothing is wrong. i put out anything i could find in the way of food. It was nothing compare to what we usually do. The lady arrives with 6 dozen donuts and she chips in and helps put them on plates. It was at here that i realized 3 dozen would have been sufficient.

That pretty well summarizes the event and while i still felt very foolish it could have been much worse. The feeling foolish in part was about feeling foolish to Ann Marie. Now listen carefully! There is no husband and probably no man who is okay with feeling foolish in front of their wife. Why? Because they never forget! I am resolved to the fact that this story will come up at some time in the future and deservedly so, at my expense.

i’m going to look foolish if i’m going to do anything in life and as yesterdays photo said “Until i’m ready to look foolish i’ll never have the possibility of being great. With the exception of 4 people who assisted me and encouraged me with kind words nobody else knew the difference.  Oh yah, the coffee was only ten minutes late.

The “Take Away.” When i moved past my fear of feeling foolish and went after a solution wholeheartedly, i become free and the possibilities became endless.

foolishPlease click on player or link to listen.

i wonder… has anyone besides me, not done something because they were afraid of looking foolish? Perhaps  foolish   may be a little strong, maybe i just don’t want to feel foolish? Regardless of the reason, it’s my not wanting to looking foolish that concerns me. i wish there was an option not to share personally but if i do that this time, it may become a habit and take away from the integrity of the purpose for me posting. Once i spill my guts you’ll understand my concern. Honestly, i’ve been trying to put this off. How’s that working for me?  It’s not.

Not wanting to look foolish, is not just being afraid, sometimes, it’s not being absolutely sure. i’d rather not look foolish because of being wrong. Here’s a quick example. i’m not one for jumping up and down in a worship service and i feel uncomfortable not joining in but, not enough to feel foolish. That’s not to say that those who jump are foolish, it’s a me thing. Another example is when i’m in a service and the speaker wants me to repeat certain things as if i’m agreeing with him. Because i’ve not had time to process what he said, i don’t say it. It may be that after thinking on it, i may not actually agree at all, but if I’ve already repeated it just to fit in… well, now i may look foolish, in having to explain or take it back. If these were the only two instances of my not wanting to look foolish i could live with it, but they’re not.

So it’s time. This is what’s caused my concern. A few days ago someone was at the Onething Campus. As we were finishing up our conversation they mentioned that they were feeling the effects of some back or neck problems. In that very instant i felt that i had the faith and an anointing to lay hands on them and that they would be instantly healed. BUT… seconds slipped by without my doing so, the what if’s and the not wanting to feel foolish thoughts came rushing in. Ultimately those thoughts won and the person did not get their healing, God did not get His glory and i rejected my invitation to be used of God. The whole incident started and ended in less than 15 seconds. You talk about going from zero to sixty in seconds, well i went from feeling anointed to feeling foolish in less than 10 seconds. SECONDS! Here’s another part of it. This person is within the small group I’ve shared about. You know the one’s i’m repositioning myself for by interceding, fasting, praying and being a hedge of protection around them. This was more than feeling foolish, this was being foolish!

Now, i’m posting about not wanting to feel foolish and i’m feeling even more foolish just for a different reason. i’m not entirely sure of why i have this resistance to feeling foolish other than to say, in our world being foolish is not an admirable quality.

What exactly is “foolish”? The dictionary defines foolish as, “having or resulting from poor judgment, unwise, absurd, ridiculous”. Some synonyms for foolish include crazy, harebrained, idiotic, nonsensical, preposterous, sappy, silly, wacky, and zany. That’s exactly what i don’t want others to think of me. Is it wrong of me to not want people thinking that i have poor judgment, am unwise, absurd or ridiculous?

i think there are many people in the Word who were “foolish”. Or were they? Maybe i think they were because they did absurd, ridiculous, crazy, and nonsensical things.

People like… Abraham, who was actually going to sacrifice his own son. Joshua and the Israelites, who marched around the city of Jericho for seven days and seven times on the seventh day. Zacchaeus, a tax collector, who climbed into a tree just to get a glimpse of Jesus. And how about John the Baptist, who wore clothing made of camel’s hair, ate locusts and wild honey and preached about a man he didn’t even know.

i going to start ending each post with what i call a “Take Away” something i can focus my thoughts and attention on through-out the remainder of my day, something to help me pivot my words and actions toward I Am. Here’s my “Take Away” for today.

All those people looked foolish to the world, but, they were exactly where God wanted them to be, and doing exactly what God wanted them to do. And God blessed every one them.