Posts Tagged ‘racing’

Does anyone else find themselves living in a state of busy. On Monday morning when i get to work i and my co-workers compare notes and horror stories about whose weekend was more busy. When someone asks me, “How are you?” i bombard them with my daily to-do list. i may answer with something like “Ohhhhhh MY goodness! I’m sooooo busy! Let me tell you how BUSY I am…” And i rattle off all of the places i have to be and things i have to do.

And… i do all of this with an air of disgust and dread instead of joy with the decisions i have chosen myself. Then the other person has to one-up my busy with their busy. No wonder energy drinks are a 40 billion dollar a year industry.

So what am i so busy doing? And do i think i’ll get a prize for how hard my life is? Do i really think i’ll find joy in being busy? Is my exhaustion a badge i wear with respect and honor? Or… is being busy a cover up for my lack of joy, my nagging lack of purpose and significance that all to often eats at me?

If a day of back to back activities, work, church and family functions is not my idea of how to spend my weekend, then why am i spending my weekend that way? I thought i was wise?

What’s this all for? Why?

Could the answer be… so i don’t have to feel.

Feel what?

Feel the urgency, the pain, the beauty, the joy, the fleeting moments and the passing years. Feel what we see in the news. Feel what’s going on with my family or the family down the street that i know who is battling cancer. Feel the effects of aging, my kids and grandkids growing.

Honestly i have moments when i’m fearful of missing moments with my children and grandchildren. So in a panic i create a 1,000 moments for the fear of sinking too deeply into just that one that will pass me by too quickly, reminding me of my humanness.

In my relationships i may be fearful of the silence and loneliness with another in which i am vulnerable and exposed, so i fill up my moments without any thought. i fill my calendar with gatherings and meetings, work and overtime work, food and more food, a touch of sports and shows, weekend get aways and vacations in sun shiny places.

Stillness can be telling. Silence can stir up the truth. Maybe i’m afraid to be still. Afraid of what i will hear if i brush aside the noise and instead pick a few beautiful, slow, still moments to witness in full depth, full glory.

Some are afraid of lacking worth so they spin around in circles distracting themselves and everyone around them, proving their worth futilely in their busy lives while real life is slipping right by them… unnoticed.  i do this when i should be waiting, being still enough, brave enough to have my soul stirred to it’s core.

So here’s a challenge. Try a different way. See what happens. Face the fear and feel life. Clear the calendar of the clutter and give yourself a chance to feel your way through the moments instead of cracking the whip on them.

See what happens. I dare you. I dare you to un-busy your life.

 

Do to another small ripple in my scheduling i find myself at the keyboard typing another post to fill today’s vacancy. But what a blessing to share with my children and grandchildren in such a lasting way as to post this blog. Long after when i am gone these words will be their for them to reflect on and hopefully gain some insight into who their papa was. Yes it’s selfish, it is my desire to be known by them and as this post points out “time is racing!”

“If you judge people, you have no time to love them.”  ―    Mother Teresa

What if i was aware that i’d be the last person to touch someone?

If i was paying money for a purchase i was making? Perhaps in a grocery store, where i give the cashier money and then they have to give me change, i might purpose to touch their palm, or to look them in the eye and speak an encouraging word or even just smile, anything but stare down at my bags anxiously pushing to get out of their and to my next destination.

When a man or woman stands in the middle of the isles at the local K Mart and makes it impossible for me to get past them, when the car in front of me sits longer than required in the parking space which they are supposedly leaving, but i must wait for them, when someone forgets or refuses to say thank you, in those moments i forget how short their life and my life is.

A friend and i were discussing someone whom we both knew and how ill this person was. We went on to talk about the husband and how would he deal with the loss of his wife when the time came. It was just days later that the wife passed away and the possibilities of our discussion became real as his wife did pass away. i remember becoming very much aware of how unexpected life can be especially when it comes to life and death. In those moments i also recalled the words of John Maxwell and his book, Today Matters.

i read another story where this woman had been with her aunt. They’d just had lunch and the waiter, a young gay man with plum black eyes, joked as he served the coffee, kissed her aunt’s powdered cheek when they left. Then they walked half a block and her aunt dropped dead on the sidewalk.

How many stories do i have to hear? How many loved ones do i have to lose? What would it look like if i could see people as they are, created in His image and likeness, yet tangled in life, unpredictable, inconsistent, and racing against time?

“Time is free, but it’s priceless. You can’t own it, but you can use it. You can’t keep it, but you can spend it. Once you’ve lost it you can never get it back.” 
―    Harvey MacKay

Life is too short to wake and fill the day with regrets, i am to love the people who come across my path, forget about the ones who don’t return that love and believe that everything comes from God, goes through God and will end in God. If i get a chance today, i will take it. If it changes my life, i will embrace it. i was never promised that it would be easy, but i am promised that it is worth it.