Posts Tagged ‘wife’

“the true shadow is not made by darkness but of light.”

It seems to me that just saying i love you is a cheap imitation of true love. Talk is cheap. Being at the close of this verse another portion of the word provides more detailed instructions regarding my words and deeds toward my wife as her husband but more precisely as her covering.

Ephesians 5:8-11 ed once you were darkness, but now ed you are light in the Lord; notice that it says once i was darkness… not in darkness. Then is says i am light… not in light.

ed, walk as a child of Light [lead the lives of those native-born to the Light]. Sounds familiar as i recall the opening of Colossians 3. Paul is saying that God changes lives, Relationship with the Father AFFECTS my life in word and actions. my name is light so be AFFECTED by the Light. Lead the life of one who is native-born to the Light.

For the fruit (the effect, the product) of the Light or the Spirit [consists] in every form of kindly goodness, uprightness of heart, and trueness of life.

ed, learn [in your experience] what is pleasing to the Lord. In my experience, as i am living out life, learning in my relationship with my wife, being affected by those things which are above as she was made and built up and not what the wear and tear of life may have done to her. And understand that it is not for or to her that i do anything but what is pleasing to the Lord.

ed, let my life be constant proof of what is most acceptable to Him. Constant, not up and down or on and off but constant which is where the proof is. There is no proof in momentarily being affected by my wife. It is the constant, which is in conjunction with God’s constant relationship with me. That’s where the proof is because in and of myself constant is not possible.

ed take no part in and have no fellowship with the fruitless deeds and enterprises of darkness. Being INFECTED is the fruitless deeds and enterprises of darkness. It says that i should take no part in, it’s my choice, have no fellowship, the opportunities will come but i to have no fellowship, not hang around with being infected. And get ready here comes the option.

, but instead [let your lives be so in contrast as to] expose and reprove and convict them. One of the things i love about these verses is the “Let your live so be.” It doesn’t say, tell everyone, post it on Facebook or Tweet it, it says let my life be the action that is in contrast.

A call to action – ed be habitual or usual in these acts, use energetic activity in loving your wife according to what you have learned. my favorite, ed, husband, Light… constantly… consciously will.

Words or deeds which do not give the light of Christ, increase darkness. (A variation of Mother Teresa’s words)

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Radical…

Posted: May 20, 2013 in Colossians 3
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Success in marriage is more than finding the right person; it is being the right person.

The command to love far exceeds what was common of marriage in Paul’s day. Had he used another word for “love,” perhaps one that expressed sexuality, then it would have fit well with the Greek and Roman minds. But in the term “agape,” a selfless, serving, giving type of love without thought of return was totally foreign to the marital lives of Greeks and Romans. Wives were often thought of as property. Typically, in the Greek world, wives had no part in the social activities of her husband. She was more of a recluse at home while he went about the things of his day. Husbands and wives did not even eat meals together.

Well… there it is. In the term “agape,” a selfless, serving, giving type of love without thought of return was and may be totally foreign to the marital lives of Greeks and Romans and many today.

Paul’s command was as radical then as it is now! There is to be a work going on in my heart as a believer, as i am affected toward my wife and no longer infected by and away from her. As a husband i must not let society’s standards (or lack of standards) on marriage be my own. i must take the high road presented in the Word.

There is also another issue. Have i the husband expected my wife to meet the deepest needs of my heart? If so, i have placed an  impossible burden on my wife. Then another possibility is my own reluctance to face the truth about myself, preferring to believe that it is my spouse who has a problem and thus creates the problems that infect me.

The divine words for husbands and wives by Paul are the framework for success in marriage. They are not a checklist to use in evaluating the performance of my spouse.

Many times my words and deeds express the idea that a successful and fulfilling marriage just happens by itself. But a growing marriage requires                     effort and perseverance. i am called to work at… no, not at, as though it is separate from me, but in my relationship with Him—and with the person i promised to love.

The grass on the other side of the fence may look greener, but faithfulness to God and commitment to my spouse alone bring peace of mind and satisfaction.

 

A rare case where i do an extra post. i was tempted to hold this till next week but… here it is. The following song is a case of being affected by Ann Marie. She shared this song with me. To her i want to say  am not only listening but i am being affected. Thanks!

The following was written by a very dear friend many years ago. Every time i read this it brings awareness to my life about the Gift i have been given. It’s like a splash of very cold water on my face. i wish that i could say that it made a difference in his life but that is not the case. He eventually found himself in the same place and for that i am saddened. The cost was much greater this time. This can be a nice post, a warning, an awakening or a call to action.

The Gift – By Ed Beatty

Twas a Sunday afternoon, in late summers light; I saw the Gift standing there, wrapped beautifully in white.

With heart a pounding, knees so weak, and tear drops in my eyes; I could scarcely believe so rare a Gift, could in reality be mine.

It was like no other gift I ever had received; For it glowed even through its pure white wrap with love aimed just for me.

I reached out with a trembling hand, to take the Gift so fair: and as I did, I heard a voice say, “It’s yours for you to care.

With so much excitement I accepted it, The Gift I long had sought; And took it home into my life, this prize which I had caught.

I looked at it, and handled it, and used it at my leisure; and for a while this Gift of mine, brought to me so much pleasure.

I took it with me where’re I went, And showed it to all my friends; I was so proud of this, my Gift, my joy it would not end.

The days, the weeks, the months, the years, all passed so hurriedly; ere long my Gift which I had won, soon lost its novelty.

I stared at it with bewildered eyes, as it lay calm in its place; I could not believe the sight, I saw – I hoped ‘twas not the case.

But surely as I inspected the Gift, The one which once I prided; I noticed it was not the same – It’s changed, I boldly chided.

“It’s not as bright as when brand new, its love grows cold and dim; it bears some marks I did not see, its imperfect – not a gem.’

The more I looked, the morel saw, the more I could not stand; I was displeased with this Gift, to me “twas as worthless as the sand.

So, I left it home as I went out in search of something better; to fill the space disappointment brought – it bound me as a fetter

I saw my friends and others too, with many gifts and presents; and there, at first it seemed, at least, their lives were joyous… pleasant.

So, I tried their way and to my surprise, it did not fill my need; in fact the very opposite, my life was worse indeed.

Bewildered, befuddled, all sad and alone, I wondered what could I do; when I heard a small voice calling my name saying – “This is my message to you.

The Gift which I gave you, more precious than gold, is yours for the keeping to have and to hold.

“I did not give it for you to treat thus… to leave it alone and turn it away with disgust.’

“The reason it glows not is your fault – not its; for it needs your attention, your love and your kiss.”

“It’s marks you think imperfect were not there at the start, but came from the handling and neglect on your part.”

“And like anything of value, you can gain in this life; the Gift which I gave you grows more priceless through strife.”

“And time, only time, can determine the value, of my Gift too precious which I freely gave you.”

“But ‘though you rejected and paid it No mind; your Gift still awaits you, Come home while there’s time.”

So, hurriedly I ran as tears stained my face, into the house and came to the place; where the Gift I had left, stood patiently by, expecting my return, not asking me why.

It embraced me, and held me, kissed away all my grief; and then with a voice that brought Sweet relief – Said, “I forgive you… welcome back home.”

I felt so ashamed of the wrong I had done.

Then with eyes opened wide, as wide as could be, for the first time I saw her, This Gift that was she.

My love abounding, my heart longing so; to hold and caress her, the gift I now know.

She was given a helpmate, to love as myself; to work alongside me, not to leave on a shelf.

I’m to love her, to care for her, all my days, all my life; for this Gift which God gave me, is my friend and my wife.

“Why does a woman work ten years to change a man, then complain he’s not the man she married?”   ―     Barbra Streisand

Colossians 3:19 “ed, husband, be in the state of being affected with your wife  and do not be harsh or bitter or resentful toward them.

1 Peter 3 is a clear picture with details. Peters says, Finally, all [of you] Pay attention husbands. Yes i know he is talking to a more general crowd but again please allow me to make this more specific to my role as a husband. i don’t think Peter would mind.

The state of being affected by my wife. 1 Peter 3:8 Finally, ed, husband, you should be of one and the same mind (united in spirit)… we have got the united in flesh part down and look how that’s working for marriage. Divorce rates in America are over 50% and the same rate applies to “Christian” couples. Get this, in China 5000 divorces take place every day. “One and the same mind.” On everything all the time? my answer to that is that being one means that we come to agreement before I move on anything. Affected means that there must be room for her thoughts, i am to remember intelligent consideration. Same mind reminds me of James 4:1-2 words about where my divided mind comes from.

The state of being affected by my wife. 1 Peter 3:8 ed, sympathizing [with one your wife], loving, being in the state of being affected [by her] as brethren [of one household], compassionate and courteous (tender-hearted and humble). Compassionate: a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another. Someone missed the boat here, either the translators or the dictionary people. i don’t think that Peter intended for me to feel deep sympathy and sorrow for my wife all the time. This makes it sound like she is injured, or lacking to the point that she is less than she was created to be. The AMP. says, tender-hearted: soft-hearted; sympathetic. To me that sounds like the right word.

The state of being affected by my flesh. 1 Peter 3:9 ed, NEVER return evil for evil or insult for insult (scolding, tongue-lashing, berating), There is nothing else to say here. Scolded and rightly so. I see that all of these items are rooted in the use of my tongue. That NEVER stands out not because i bolded it but because this is unconditional. It’s based on one person and that’s me, NEVER regardless of what, NEVER!

The state of being affected by my wife. 1 Peter 3:9 but on the contrary blessing [praying for their welfare, happiness, and protection, and truly pitying and loving them]. For know that to this ed, you have been called, that you ed may yourself inherit a blessing [from God—that you may obtain a blessing as heirs, bringing welfare and happiness and protection].

The state of being affected by my wife. 1 Peter 3:10 For let ed who wants to enjoy life and see good days [good—whether apparent or not] keep his tongue free from evil and his lips from guile (treachery, deceit). Regardless of what else i am to do, controlling the tongue is the foundation. If i desire to enjoy life and see good days then learn to control my tongue. There needs to be an sharp, focused awareness on my part when the word i comes from my lips. It may be that this is about to be all about me and what i am going to insist on.

The state of being affected by my wife. 1 Peter 3:11 ed, turn away from wickedness and shun it, and let ed do right. ed, search for peace (harmony; undisturbedness from fears, agitating passions, and moral conflicts) and seek it eagerly. [Do not merely desire peaceful relations with God, with your fellowmen, and with yourself, but pursue, go after them!]

For the eyes of the Lord are upon the righteous (those who are upright and in right standing with God), and His ears are attentive to their prayer. But the face of the Lord is against those who practice evil [to oppose them, to frustrate, and defeat them].

“i will forever be thankful to God for gifting me with you. You are not just my wife, you are my best friend. i know i can always count on you.”

Just for the record I want to make sure I cover my role as a husband as deeply as I did that of wives. Also for the record, i did not cover wives for wives’ sake, it was for husband’s sake and specifically my own sake. i am getting rid of all my excuses. In some cases that puts me at odds…. not at odds but in an awkward place.

Paul says, “husband, ed, be in the state of being affected, as you live with your wife…” Constantly be affected!

So what does it look like for me as a husband to be affected? I Peter 3:7 describes it this way, In the same way you married men should live considerately (AFFECTED) with [your wives], with an intelligent recognition (AFFECTED) [of the marriage relation], honoring the woman (AFFECTED) as [physically] the weaker, but [realizing that you] are joint heirs (AFFECTED) of the grace (God’s unmerited favor) of life, in order that your prayers may not be hindered and cut off.

i am to live in the state of being affected by considering my wife, by being affected with an intelligent recognition of our marriage relationship, by being affected with the honor she deserves as God’s gift to me, and by being affected in the realization that we are joint heirs of grace. Live in the state of being affected by respecting her as a child of God, created in His image and likeness.

i sometimes live in the state of being infected by her mood (INFECTED), her attitude (INFECTED), her words (INFECTED), her actions (INFECTED), her whatever (INFECTED) infects me greatly and not to our mutual benefit. That statement is to place the blame on her which i am not authorized to do under any circumstances. James 4:1-2 describes the truth about my being infected. “ed, where do you think all these appalling wars and quarrels come from? Do you think they just happen? Think again. They come about because you ed, want your own way, and fight for it deep inside yourself. Ed, you lust for what you don’t have and are willing to kill to get it. You want what isn’t yours and will risk violence to get your hands on it.”

Please don’t read anything into these posts about my marriage. It is great but great is not my best. Some of the statements like appalling wars and quarrels are overstating the condition of my marriage. The remaining portions of the verse are right on, the come about because…

Peter says there is a cost to my being in the state of infection. He says that my prayers may be hindered and cut off. Hindered and cut off? For real? Life is difficult enough without my prayers being hindered and cut off. Sometimes that’s exactly what it feels like. i cannot live in the state of being infected by circumstances, her stuff, her emotions and expect the results to be as though i was living in the state of being affected by living considerately, with an intelligent recognition, and honoring her as a joint heir.

“To say that we will be together until death is a waste. To say that we will be together until we live is what i really want!”

“The monstrosity of sexual intercourse outside marriage is that those who indulge in it are trying to isolate one kind of union (the sexual) from all the other kinds of union which were intended to go along with it and make up the  total union.”  ~ C.S. Lewis

Colossians 3:19 Husbands, love

How does it matter if the world knows that we are a wonderful pair or not? What is important to me is that the God living within us knows how much we care for each other.

Yesterday i jumped to the extreme conclusion of Ephesians 5:25, by relating it to physical death as in dead and buried death. “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” i suspect that those words mean something different from what i first concluded. In fact after thinking on the idea of actually dying, it might be easier than what is to come as i dig deeper into Paul’s words “gave Himself up for her.”

In the Amplified Bible the interpreters of Paul’s words gave insight into the word love. It says, “Husband, ed, be affectionate.” That word was used in one of the definitions i shared yesterday so in and of itself it misses the mark for me. There must be more than what meets the eye with this word.

Affectionate: fond attachment, devotion. A fond attachment… really? I have a fond attachment to my mini ipad as well as a few other things. i again have found a different definition that i like better than that. The root word for affectionate is affection.

Affection: the state of being affected. It’s about me being “in the state of being affected” by her. The normal question here or at least i think it would be normal, is what am i to be affected by, is it just certain things? Surely you don’t mean everything? And in this state, does that mean all the time, as in 24/7? If so where does my space come into play?

Being affectionate is one thing, while being in, the state of being affected is quite another. The latter is more personal, more intimate. Affectionate can be as Webster defined love as a kiss and embrace. In the state of being affected means that i am changed, my words and deeds will be different.  Whether near or far occupying the state of being affected, occurs as i think on those things which are above and i am affected, changed.

Truth be told i am already affected by Ann Marie. How is another question. Affected to do what? Affected to be angry? Affected to see and hear the principle melodic phrase in our musical composition.

This is impossible to teach in it’s entirety as 90% of it must be experienced through application. It does not make sense, so understanding is not possible. As i am meditating on this i am recalling situations where it would have served God, myself and Ann Marie better than what i did at the time.

Anything worth doing will receive opposition. This must be really worth doing as my flesh is opposing from every side. BUT WHAT ABOUT screams in my ear.

“Each time I look at you, I just smile to myself and think, ‘I certainly could not have done better”

Sure God created man before woman.  But then you always make a rough draft before the final masterpiece. – Unknown

Colossians 3:18 Wives, be subject…

SUBJECT! Use this word in the context of “wives be subject” and walls of resistance will immediately go up. For women and men that word, subject conjurors up all sorts of incorrect emotions and actions.

Subject – being under domination, control, or influence and all the men cheer while women give me a dirty look. It is my OPINION that either Paul spoke the wrong word or Webster got the definition incorrect. There is nothing warm and fuzzy about this definition and I understand that not everything is warm and fuzzy when it comes to God or relationships. But to me being under dominion does not sound like God. I do not view my relationship with Him as being under His dominion as I am there by free will and of my choosing to be responsive to His invitation.

Within the very same dictionary is the following definition…

Subject – that which forms a basic matter of thought, discussion, investigation, a branch of knowledge, a motive, cause, the theme of, and my favorite… the principal melodic motif or phrase in a musical composition.

Married women exist, occupy the position of the principal melodic motif or phrase in a musical composition.

Paul says, with ed’s interpretation, “ed let Ann Marie occupy the position of the principal melodic phrase in your musical composition.”

AMAZING!!!! This helps me greatly as a husband. To see my wife and understand the role God intended for her to “Be” in my life. This definition to me raise her up to a level I have never understood before. It’s all about her inward being, which is her true self as she has been built. This is an epiphany for me.

Consider the two for yourself… “Wives exist, under dominion” or “wives occupy the position of the principal melodic phrase in your musical composition.” There is no doubt in my mind and i am reminded for what ever reason of one of my favorite verses from Matthew 11:28-30

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

The ed translation – “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on your marriage, relationship with your husband, with your wife or perhaps yourself? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your relationship. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace, the principal melodic phrase in your musical composition. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly in your relationships.”

When wives learn the unforced rhythms of His grace. When Ann Marie submits to my “loving” leadership and follows “God’s” intention for her, she is fulfilled and so am i. It’s a win, win! Efforts to reverse or confuse the duties of wife and husband destroy the blessing each is to be to the other.

Leadership is not dictatorship or lordship. It is loving. In fact, both myself and Ann Marie must be in relationship to the Lord as well as to each other. It is a mutual respect under the lordship of Jesus Christ. When Ann Marie, a Godly woman, is in relationship to the Lord and with me, she experiences a release and fulfillment that she can have in no other way. This mutual love and relationship creates an atmosphere of growth in the home that enables both myself and Ann Marie to become all that God wants us to be.

3 elements to keep in mind regarding being subject:

Being subject does not imply inferiority.

Being subject is not absolute and there may be times when Ann Marie must refuse to be subject to my desires because they violate God’s Word.

my authority is not to be exercised in an authoritative, overbearing manner, but in the context of a loving relationship.

It is my belief that being subject takes nothing away from the dignity of Ann Marie, but rather it enhances her worth in God’s eyes, for such a life is pleasing in His sight.

The true meaning of being subject is of two equals. What integrity Ann Marie who loves God has, because she is willing to be subject to an equal in order that God’s order and function may take place in our family.

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant’s life, she will choose to save the infant’s life without even considering if there are men on base.  ~Dave Barry

i am not intending this to be a marriage counseling session nor even advice on marriage. It is a part of explaining what the Dream Giver is asking of me. This was written years ago even though i fall short many times it impacts my life to this day.

The Gift – by Ed Beatty

Twas a Sunday afternoon, in late summers Light; I saw the Gift standing there, wrapped beautifully in white.

With heart a pounding, knees so weak, and tear drops in my eyes; I could scarcely believe so rare a Gift, could in reality be mine.

It was like no other gift I ever, had received; for it glowed even through its pure, white wrap with love aimed just for me.

I reached out with a trembling hand, to take the Gift so fair: and as I did, I heard a voice say, “It’s yours for you to care.”

With so much excitement I accepted it, the Gift I long had sought; and took it home into my life, this prize which I had caught.

I looked at it, and handled it, and used it at my leisure; and for a while this Gift of mine, brought to me so much pleasure.

I took it with me where’er I went, and showed it to all my friends; I was so proud of this, my Gift, my joy it would not end.

The days, the weeks, the months, the years, all passed so hurriedly; ere long my Gift which I had won, soon lost its novelty.

I stared at it with bewildered eyes, as it lay calm in its place; I could not believe the sight I saw – I hoped ‘twas not the case.

But surely as I inspected the Gift, the one which once I prided; I noticed it was not the same – it’s changed I boldly chided.

“It’s not as bright as when brand New, its love grows cold and dim; it bears some marks I did not see, it’s imperfect – not a gem.”

The more I looked, the more l saw, the more I could not stand; I was displeased with this Gift, to me “twas as worthless as the sand.”

So, I left it home as I went out, in search of something better; to fill the space disappointment brought – it bound me as a fetter.

I saw my friends, and others too, with many gifts and presents; and there, at first it seemed, at least, their lives were joyous… pleasant.

So, I tried their way and to my surprise, it did not fill my need; in fact the very opposite, my life was worse indeed.

Bewildered, befuddled, all sad and alone, I wondered what could I do; when I heard a small voice calling my Name saying – “This is my message to You.

The Gift which I gave you, more precious than gold, is yours for the keeping to have and to hold.

“I did not give it for you to treat thus… to leave it alone and turn it away with disgust.”

“The reason it glows not is your fault – not its; for it needs your attention, your love and your kiss.”

“It’s marks you think imperfect were not there at the start, but came from the handling and neglect on your part.”

“And like anything of value, you can gain in this life; the Gift which I gave you grows more priceless through strife.”

“And time, only time, can determine the value, of my Gift too precious which I freely gave you.”

“But ‘though you rejected and paid it No mind; your Gift still awaits you, come home while there’s time.”

So , hurriedly I ran as tears stained my face, into the house and came to the place; where the Gift I had left, stood patiently by, expecting my return, not asking me why.

It embraced me, and held me, kissed away all my grief; and then with a voice that brought sweet relief – Said, “I forgive you… welcome back home.”

I felt so ashamed of the wrong I had done.

Then with eyes opened wide, as wide as could be, for the first time I saw her, This Gift that was she.

My love abounding, my heart longing so; to hold and caress her, the Gift i now know.

She was given a helpmate, to love as myself; to work alongside me, not to leave on a shelf.

I’m to love her, to care for her, all my days, all my life; for this Gift which God gave Me, is my friend and my wife.