Counting Down The Days Until… 25

Until… 2012 ends and 2013 begins. Unlike past years i would be very excited to have just made it through another year, and almost dreadfully anticipating yet another year. Not this time! i am sharing my personal journal of “Counting Down The Days Until… which is based on the book “The Dream Giver.

Okay i have to back track as i tried to ignore sharing what the Dream Giver is currently asking me to give Him. It was 1:38 in the am today that i was awakened and it took until 4:42 am for me to work through that amongst a few other things as well, with the Dream Giver. Be forewarned that this will be longer than norm.

While the book speaks about Dreams, i interpret them as Gifts. As i shared, my children, gifts from the Dream Giver, have been surrendered to Him for many years and almost every other area of my life as well. But there remains one that is still in my charge, so i think. This gift was given to me over 43 years ago, when i had no clue about much of anything. Some people would say that i am co-dependent and they may very well be right, but that’s okay. If this is co-dependency then i would have to say that i am co-dependent on God as well.

Forty-three years ago, as i sat in the high school cafeteria, i looked across a row of tables, chairs, and students, as my eyes were drawn to this absolutely breath-taking young girl. It was then and there that i felt like the Dream Giver gave me the person i would spend the rest of my life with. It was three years later when we were married and to this day, i am still enamored with her, that’s not to say that she doesn’t have her moments when… i’ll just leave it there.

For many, years i have said that i would die first, as i do not want to live life without her in it, of course that’s my plan, not necessarily the Dream Givers. Enough gushy stuff. When i need a hug, a touch, a kiss she is who i go to. When i need input she is who i go to. When i need encouragement she is who i go to. When i need help to understand something, she is who i go to. When, whatever, she is who i go to. She has always been my love and i might add my only love. She is my best friend, even when we disagree. She is my confidant, my companion, my dream, my gift. Now for sure many will say that i am co-dependent, go ahead, i am okay with it.

Seriously, if men and women were more co-dependent on each other there wouldn’t be an over 50% divorce rate. If people were more co-dependent they would respect others verses stealing, murdering, slandering, ignoring, cheating on, and all the other unthinkable things that we do to one another.

The Dream Giver is asking me to surrender her to Him. On the surface i have but deep within me… not so much. All those “i go to her” situations are all fine with this exception, i go to her before i go to the Dream Giver. Who would have guessed? Truth is, i trust her. Yep i just said that, “i trust her.” i trust God in so many areas but, not so much when it comes to her. i am not sure that He will do with her what i think i want and need. It sounds ridiculous. i could quote a dozen verses regarding His plans for me, but in this area i like my plan just fine.

Don’t get carried away with what your thinking, God is at the very core of my being, He is in control, i trust Him with my life, just not in this instance. How foolish this all sounds as i type it.

But… in closing i could only hope my children are having this problem in their relationship with their spouse. Further as my grandchildren grow up and look for a spouse, i hope they to experience a look across the table that will last them their entire lives, that will keep them strong when things (life) is difficult.  i feel as though i have not done this justice so i will spend more time on it in the days to come. And of course i must find a way for me to surrender to the Dream Givers request. SANCTUARY time?